QuestionDear Jill,
My husband and I were together for 9 years(dated 4,married 5). I asked him to leave in January because I wasn't happy. When we first started dating we could talk and share our feelings about anything that was on our minds. We were the best of friends, always there for each other no matter what. Once we got married he stopped caring about anybody but himself. I tried to get him to open up but he wouldn't. I suggested seeing a counselor but he wouldn't do that either.
Since our seperation he has went to the doctors and was diagnosed with Depressive disorder/Marital Stress and is scheduled to see a counselor at the end of the month. He has changed into a loving and caring person again. He says he realizes how bad he treated me, by not being there, even when he was physically. Now we talk all the the time and enjoy spending time together. It's like he is my best friend all over again. There are times when we are together that he will start to shut down his feelings and that kind of upsets me because I'm still expressing my emotions to him. I love him more now than the day I fell in love with him. He says he loves me, but doesn't want to hurt me again.
I want to tell him how I feel and that I would like to try and work things out. But I'm scared if I say anything he wont want the same thing. Or would be scared to try again because of how things were before.
Do I tell him and risk getting hurt or keep it to myself and hope he will suggest that we try to work things out?
AnswerDear Janna,
You two have sure been through a lot together. Relationships can be scary things because you really depend on something out of your control (another person's feelings, beliefs, behaviors, etc.) as part of the equation. It is always a risk to be vulnerable in a relationship. Since your husband is seeing a counselor now, perhaps he is open to relationship counseling. It seems as if he has made a major shift. Maybe his responses will be different. I can understand that you might not trust that at this point. That's why sharing your feelings within the context of counseling might be a safer environment right now.
Respectfully,
Dr. Jill Morris
www.IntimacyMatters.com
