Navigating Divorce When Facing a Partner's Alcoholism

Question
I have told my wife that I want a divorce. She is a confirmed, severe alcoholic for about 4 years. She/we have been to rehab, AA, Alalon constantly but to apparently no avail. I'm told she doesn't do the program right. Anyway, she cycles: binge followed by profuse apologies etc. for a period of time, then another binge. The cycles are progressively shorter and I have had it. The past few episodes have seen me motel it for increasingly longer stays where I think about divorce. This time I said it to her. Each time however, I come back home. I see myself drifting back to that conclusion again but don't want to. If I could snap my fingers and be done with it, I would. I guess the big problem is that she is dependent on me. How do I get past the guilt of discarding her after over 20 years of being together even though I have justification? Thanx, Steve

Answer
Steve,

Well I guess my advice would be to "ponder divorce" out loud with her.  Tell her you don't want to live like this any longer.  It sounds like you've made every attempt to support her through these cycles (hopefully you haven't driven her to drink) and let her know you'll ride one more attempt at getting straightened out with her and if she can't stay off, the paperwork will soon follow.  Then send her off to the drunk tank for a last ditch effort.  Then you've put her future in her hands and you've let her know it.  It's better to do things this way rather than "finding" someone else and leaving your wife for her.  It presents a more moral picture for those who might be watching.  Life is short and no one should have to suffer, needlessly, letting her know her options will help you come to the conclusion that you "did everything you could."

Bill