Navigating Divorce in Ohio: A Guide for Separated Spouses

Question
My wife and I have been married 15 yrs and have had our trouble. I'm from Mass. and she Ohio. We live in OH for 17 yrs. Our personallities are different but That's one of her qualitys that attracted me. We have 2 boys 11 + 9 yrs old. We were seperated 2 yrs ago for 6 mths and now she wants a divorce. She says she's not in love w me and doesn't want to give the marriage any more chances. I told her I would make changes but every time I do I always fall back into a rut. I love this girl and am willing to do anything. If she's not wanting to save the marriage is there cases were I can make a permanent change and win her back after the divorce. I've been told to make changes for myself and maybe she will c those, but I have the problem wondering how she can c them if we are divorced.

Answer
Hi Jason~

If she's already made up her mind, you can't necessarily make her change it if she's determined to divorce you.  You might have to learn to come to terms with that very real possibility.  Whoever told you to make those changes for yourself, they are/were right, you should listen to them and make the improvements to yourself, not your wife or anyone else.  When you become a better person and you improve yourself, then you're doing it for the right reasons, for yourself, not for someone else.   It's good when we can learn from our mistakes in life.  Besides why would you want to be with someone that's not IN love with you anymore.  She's already stated she doesn't love you and she's ready to divorce you.  There's probably nothing you can say or do to change her mind.  Why waste your time pining for someone that isn't going to give you that second chance so that you can prove yourself to her (even if you do change, it might be a little too late).  

I know it's hard to be rejected by someone you love, no one likes to be rejected for any reason, and it does hurt when someone doesn't want to be with you anymore.  We've all experienced something like to this extent with our love lives.  It happens.  You have to learn to cope and deal with it and move on with your life w/o her in it.  Do continue to make good and positive changes to yourself though.  There is only so much you can do as one person in this marriage.  Again you can't make her do or feel something that she's either unwilling or unable to feel for you, including love.  You can still be good parents to your boys and co-parent and to raise successful, happy and healthy boys.  Focus on yourself and make the necessary changes you need to make for yourself.  If she sees that you've done better, then maybe just maybe you can salvage the marriage, but that remains to be seen.  And truthfully only time will really tell what's going to happen.  The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.