QuestionMy husband went out of town recently to visit a friend (male) and ended up meeting up with a female daughter of an aquantance. Circumstances what they were he ended up staying his last night at her house (with her sister as well, I don't believe anything went on other than some bonding). Since he has returned he began spending alot of time on the phone with her. Interuppting dinner and tv shows that he never would have missed before. I mentioned it to him that I thought this could be a little more than friendship, that he was allowing himself to get too close. He said she's just a friend and how is he supposed to get to know her better if he doesn't spend time talking to her? My question to him was how much better do yo need to know her? I have just tried to let him know my concerns without alienating him or pushing him away. Since then though he seems to be more secretive, this could be in an effort to avoid confrontation, or hurting my feelings. But I have let him know if this is simply a friendship he needs to be open and honest with me about his friendship with her just as he is with any other friend. He just doesn't get it. She lives 3000 miles away and he has not seen her again, but talks to her on a regular basis, as well as exchanging b-day and christmas gifts, I still have concerns, I try not to bring it up too much in an effort not to push him away. My real problem is that he is now getting ready to go to her town with another friend to help him move. I have told him I would be uncomfortable with this, I don't have a problem with him going but I believe I should go too. I don't see any reason to put himself in a situation where a line could be crossed even if that is not his intention, or hers (though I really know nothing about her intentions. Also just out of respect for me and my feelings I believe I should be included, is this asking too much? I really think it should be a no brainer for him if this is really just a friendship.
AnswerDear Margie,
I apologize for taking so long to reply to this letter. I have been having serious internet service issues the past several days.
It is obvious from your letter that your husband has developed some kind of infatuation with this girl. It is vital that you try to discuss with him why he is behaving this way. My guess is that this person has paid a little attention to him and his imagination has begun to get the better of him.
If there is any way that you can accompany him on this trip, I would certainly try to do so. I would suggest also that you get into contact with both the girl and your husband's acquaintance and try to determine, what EXACTLY is going on. This girl might be totally innocent and not realize that your husband has developed some kind of fixation on her. Depending on her age (and his), she might be completely horrified. Additionally, your husband's acquaintance may not appreciate the attention that is being placed on his daughter.
If I were in your position, I would make my thoughts and feelings known in no uncertain terms that you do NOT approve of this relationship and that you will NOT sit by and allow it to continue. This behavior is totally unacceptable and inappropriate. I would certainly go with him on the trip.
Best of luck.
R.M. French
