QuestionThrough years of watching my husband go from a "drinker" to a "heavier drinker" and now a " Daily severe drinker".. i have learned to seperate my heart and my mind from him. Is is wrong for me to think... "if he wants to stop, he is a big boy and can get help" ? ive offered over and over again, cried over and over again just to have my husband back... i would have done anything. Now ? well... im not caring much at all these days. I only exist at home, not living , thats for sure. I go unnoticed at home, yet very noticed in the eyes of the public.When is the point when a drinker/alcoholic hits "rock bottom" shall i ? and wants help ? he is 39 and has 3 drunk driving tickets in his past. Im actually scared to death there will be another one and i dont want to be around with that sick feeling in my stomach waiting for it to happen, or worse yet, take an innocent life out because he drank. I thank god we have no children together, just rent an apartment. I refuse to do any big investment with him.Im so ready to pack up..and yet im not even worried if my being gone will wake him up or not. Ive heard all the promises from him i want to hear..they never work. Any advice i would respect right now.
Thank You
AnswerHi Georgia~
I know how you feel. My father's side of the family (almost entire family) are alcoholics. My father included (his brothers, parents, grandparents, etc). He died an alcoholic, it was very sad to watch him detoriate right before my eyes. And it was all of his doing. He "tried" to stop drinking for many years, going to AA, quiting for a while, etc. But he'd start right back up.
Your husband has a serious problem here. Alcoholism is much like a disease, but there is no cure for it. When an alcoholic stops drinking, he/she is still what's called a recovering alcoholic (b/c at anytime there is always a chance they can regress). He has to first acknowledge that he has a problem. Then secondly he has to want to change and get the help he so desperately needs.
You've basically done all that you can do for him. You've tried being supportive, wanting him to seek help, etc. You can't make him do something he refuses to do. He has to help himself before anyone can help him. And it seems from what you've described he's not going to be ready for that anytime soon, if ever.
There comes a time when a person can only take so much of something before they break. The question here is when is your breaking point? You have to decide that. This drinking problem is going to continue (likely the rest of his life), and if you stay with him, he'll only bring you down with him; with this descructive behavior.
Perhaps it's time that you move on now, and begin to rebuild your life. I know it's hard to watch him destroy his life, but it doesn't have to be a death sentence for you. If your gut instincts are telling you to get out (and that's what it sounds like to me), then do it, don't hesitant one moment longer.
If you have any further questions please feel free to ask .
