Navigating Marital Challenges: Should You Stay or Divorce?

Question
I have been married for about 4 years.  I had a two year old son.  My husband and I are 4 years old.  Our marriage started out rough.  My husband was in an accident at work a few months before we got married. He was out of work for a long time. We did receive a sizable amount of money from the lawsuit.  My husband is now working 6 days a week.  He works very hard.  He is a truck driver and it is a tough job. Allot of labor involved. I know he loves my child and I very much.  My husband does drink when he gets home from work.  He works nights and has a very crazy schedule.  Sometimes he has to go to bed at 5:oopm.  He swore to me up and down that he would not drink as much once our child was born. However he comes home at about 1:00pm and will start drinking when he gets home.  He says he needs to have a few drinks to go to sleep.  But it's not a few drinks its more.  He will be somewhat drunk by 4:00pm.  My son of course it up and about at that time.  I worry this is not a good environment for my son.  And it makes me very unhappy. My husband is a good man.  He loves our son so much.  This I know in my heart to be true.  And he loves me.  I know this in my heart to be true.  I don't have to work.  My husband is all about us.  He doesn't go out with friends.  Or to the bars.  He does his drinking at home.  The real problem is that by 4:00pm he gets very tired because he is up since 2:00pm.  He doesn't act right by this time.  He can get a little nasty (with me only not our son).  He is a good provider.  Let's me handle all the money.  Most times when I want something I get it.  Sometime I have to fight a little for it.  But I know he means well.  However, when he gets tired and from drinking he gets nasty and sloppy.  Our sex relationship is ok.  But when he gets nasty and tired I take it to heart. I don't want to have sex with him because of it. I'm not very happy.  With the hours he works we never go out.  My husband does have social anxiety but will not admit to it.  I've talk and talk and talk to him about this. With no results.  He said I shouldn't pay attention to this because he is just tired.  My real question is:  Should I put up with this behavior for my sons sake?  I'm just unhappy living in this situation.  I have thought about leaving allot.  I'm not afraid to be on my own.  Please help me.  What should I do?

Answer
Hi Helen~

Before you decide to leave him--talk to him again. You should sit down and have a serious heart to heart talk with him.  He needs to know exactly how you feel about his drinking problem.  He's an alcoholic, when he can't control his drinking, and if he drinks on a daily basis.  He'll probably deny it though, as most men would.  He first has to acknowledge that he has a problem, secondly be willing to get the help he needs (such as counseling and AA meetings).  

Did you know that the most influentual person on a child, is the same sexed parent?!  That's a very powerful thing, if you really think about it.  And if he is alcoholic, then your son has a 50% chance of becoming one too.  Scary fact to think about.  So this should be one thing that weighs very heavily on if you stay with him.  He should have the ultimatum of seeking therapy for the drinking.  He might not fully realize what he's doing, and how serious of an issue this is for you and your son.

In answer to your question. No, you shouldn't ever stay in an unstable marriage for the sake of a child.  It could do more harm than good in the long run.  Not a chance you should be willing to take.

If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.