QuestionHi Rita!
I am in a relationship with a man who is very good friends with his soon-to-be Ex.
I am 100% confident that they are no longer interested in making their marriage work, yet they have kept a tight bond between them. She wishes us well, and I feel she sincerely likes me. I understand this relationship, as I have had the same with my ex in the past (until his most recent girlfriend put a stop to any contact between us). I do not feel threatened by them in any way, but I do feel like he keeps her higher in regard to me in some ways. The way I am most having unsettled feelings about is:
He just told me that he uses her as a sounding board for his relationship with me. I was shocked and displeased and told him I didn't want him to discuss ANY of our personal business like that with her. He said he feels there is nothing wrong with it, since (he says) she knows him better than anyone else, and advice from a female friend about his relationship with me is a good thing.
I don't know how to explain to him that this does more harm than good for us. Can you please help give me points to offer on why this is not only disrespectful, but bad for our relationship as a whole?
Thank you so much for your time,
Renee
AnswerHello Renee,
Inform him that if there is a problem between the two of you,he needs to discuss it with you.
That you like his ex,but that you wouldn't discuss issues between the two of you with your ex.Also explain to him that it is not good for your relationship if he doesn't feel comfortable enough to talk with you.
He needs to let go of the ex.Until he does,you really don't have a good solid foundation to move ahead with.
Rita
