Rebuilding a Marriage After Infidelity: A Guide to Healing and Reconciliation

Question
My husband of 38 years left me last month. In November he informed me he no longer loved me and hasn't for quite some time. I thought we had a good marriage. He has travelled for work for 20 years. He SAYS it's not a matter of "greener grass" but I'm not so sure. He says he lusts after other women. We are in marriage counselling presently. Our second session is on Friday. I love my husband very much and want him back. What should I do? What should I NOT do? I need all the help I can get. Oh, I stayed home and raised our six children while he worked, then babysat four of our grandchildren until January, when I quit out of exhaustion. Any help you can give me will be greatly appreciated.

Answer
Well when you find yourself competing with a younger model (and you shouldn't have to) the best thing to do is to remain calm. Flying off the handle and getting yourself upset is only going to hurt you, not him. He's already done whatever he has done, so you can't stop anything at this point. You have been his friend for 38 years, and besides his sexual escapades, you are the one that is "there." You will feel better and get a lot more information out of him if you are calm. You'll be like the loving mother when the naughty boy comes crying home. The advice probably sounds silly but in the long run you'll be in better health, than spending time wondering about all the things you did wrong. So you should not bitch, every male that gets caught in an affair justifies it as "all she does is bitch at me." Don't give him any reason not to come home, and he likely will when he's done with his toys.

Bill