Navigating Family Conflict: Should You Move for Your Spouse?

Question
QUESTION: My wife wants me to move away from my family to live near her family who are 750 miles away.  She moved to my town and we married 8 years ago...Here's the rub....My daughter and I are very close. I raised her by myself and we have a special father daughter relationship.  She is married and has two kids.  I love her and my grandchildren very much.  I am having trouble dealing with moving away.  My heart tells me to stay because I will be very unhappy if I move. I try to think of the good things that will result from moving away but it is very very difficult.  I guess my question is can I get a neutral viewpoint on this?

ANSWER: Hi Jim~

Have you and your wife discussed this fully and does she know what a huge decision this is for you to have to make?  After all you don't want to do something that you'll ultimately end up regretting later in life.  What about the suggestion of moving somewhere half way between both of your families?  I don't know if that is even an option for you or not, but it's certainly something to think about.  Perhaps you can list the pros and cons of the move and sit down and discuss them with each other.

Either way the important thing here is to go with your heart and do what's right for you and what makes you happy.  Whatever that decision ultimately is, isn't going to be an easy one that's for sure.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: We have discussed it over and over...but she is determined to get me to move.  She is already there.  I quit my job and am now packing, but every day I wake up I think of how I will miss my immediate family. She was married before and her kids are near her now and I am trying to cope with moving away from my daughter and my grandchildren.  My daughter is from a previous marriage.  I know it will hurt my wife terribly if I decide to stay here and it will hurt my daughter if I decide to move.  So what do I do?

Answer
Hi Jim~

I can't even begin to imagine how this is making you feel right now, to be torn between two ppl you love.  And I really don't have a perfect answer or solution to you.  This is a choice you're unfortunately going to have to make.  There is no winner in this situation either.  Someone is going to be hurt and left behind.  The question is though, what does your gut instinct tell you what to do?  Listen to it and trust it.  You have to go with the option that you want the most (I know this is extremely tough).  On one hand you have your wife who's your life partner that you love with every fiber in your body.  And on the other you have your daughter and your grandchildren who you are used to seeing and being with a lot.  No one should have to be in this type of situation, but unfortunately you are at the moment.  Maybe you could move for now, and if it's just all to much to bear, then you can seriously consider moving back to be with your daughter and grandchildren.  You won't know until you at least give it a shot and see what happens.  After all your wife did give up her close family and friends to move and be with you 8 yrs ago (please correct me if I'm wrong here on the time frame).  Marriage is all about give and take and going through sacrifices in life.  Ultimately whatever decision you make isn't going to be an easy one.