Navigating Intimacy and Connection When Your Spouse Has Depression

Question
Hello, let me start off by stating that my wife is on bupropion for depression so I have been gentle and somewhat understanding about that. She is a cute kindergarden teacher and we have been married going on five years in july. I can be a sarrcastic jerk at times and this hurts her. I treat her very well by calling or texting her almost everyday to let her know I'm thinking about her and I tell her I love her daily along with listening to her without fixing her problems. The chores and house cleaning are 70% mine and working with 4-5 hrs. a day of sleep I am daycare over half the week(I work ten hour nights). I pay all of the bills, but would like help. She is dear to me and i really do want what best for her. I am far from perfect, but I do expect quite a bit from her. Love making happens about once a week but she's not into it. I spoil her in bed,but she is not happy. There is no spark or passion anymore and I feel rejected and unwanted. I know wah..wah...  I love her but need some attention.  

Answer
Hi Paul~

Depression medication can affect a persons sex drive and make it low or even non-existent.  She can ask her doctor to try another medication to see if that helps. Or it could be a chemical imbalance on her part as well.  There are other ways to connect with your wife other than sex.  Although I realize that most men have sexual needs and get their affection and attention that way to bond with their spouse/partner.  You might just have to settle for what you get, at once per week, and not take it personally that she's not that into it (some women can't/don't get into it if they don't really want/need sex).  It's not impossible to get that spark back between you though.  Of course, you'll have to work at it b/c it's a process and that can take some time, energy and effort.  Focus on her, dote on her, take her out on a weekly date (it doesn't have to be anything fancy either), pay attention to her, give her love and affection just like you want.  I know it can be very difficult and even frustrating at times to deal with this.  Hang in there and hopefully her depression will get better as time goes on.