QuestionI have been married for 3 years and my husbands ex-wife is a non stop bother in our relationship. My husband says he only allows her to email him and call because of their child together, but she sends pictures of herself or pictures of her with the child, tells him what he should be doing in his life, tells him that he had no right to remarry after the divroce because their child is the only person that matters and that she's not going on with her life. She has caused trouble with his employer and called me all kinds of degrading names. She left him and two years later he filed the divorce papers and decided to move on with his life since she left and never filed the papers, but she won't let go and he just passes it off as her being the way she is or that he's trying to keep the peace because of their child. I have kids too and I would never allow my ex to cause problems in my marriage. HELP???? How do I get him to see that he's allowing her to ruin our relationship. There is no room for 3 adults in our marriage and there never has been. Is there any hope at all that he will ever deal with this or is our marriage doomed? Is there any advice on how to deal with this?
AnswerHi Gina: It should not be too difficult to solve this issue. This calls for a meeting between the three of you - with your husband taking the lead role, not you.
Your husband, not you, needs to tell his ex-wife at the meeting that she is interfering with your lives, that he has moved on and wants to focus on his new family (while of course not ignoring his son from the previous marriage). In order for this new arrangement to occur, there are several new ground rules.
1. She cannot send him ANY emails - none. If she needs to send an email, she may only do so to you - not him. You will then pass the information on to him. If he sees any emails coming in from her, he will automatically delete them.
2. Any other communication will be only on an "as needed" basis and reserved for emergencies, etc.
3. He needs to tell her that he will not tolerate any derogatory comments about you, him, your marriage, etc. If he hears anymore, communication will be further restricted.
4. Lastly, he needs to tell her to get on with her life like has with his. She needs to focus her attention away from him and his marriage to other things in her life. In other words - bug off!
Team up with your husband on this and the result may be even better than you think. Let him know this is VERY important to you and you and your marriage need this change.
Good luck and God bless.
David
