Questionhello,
My wife and I are having problems, usually money, for example, I work full time and sometimes some overtime, my wife now works parttime at a local fast food place. She did have a full time job, but because of her absences from work, she was fired. As you can expect, money is tighter now, I pay ALL the house bills, (rent, electric, gas, etc.) I get no help from her at all, even though last year after she got fired, she got over $860/month for unemployment. then she wants me to buy groceries too and Im thinking, what is she doing with al her money? On another note, I am in the process(a long one) of fixing up my car, now understand the only way I am making this possible is working overtime(at my place of <a href="http://0-29.com?go=employment" onmouseover="window.status = 'goto: employment';return 1" onmouseout="window.status=''">employment</a>, I work 4 12 hr days and have 4 days off, so I am eligible to sign for overtime if it is available) She tells her parents what I am doing, and they are furious at me, and I flat out told her, I enjoy my time off, if there is something I want, I work the overtime to get it. I dont go into the bill money for such, and I said if I didn't want to do this, I WOULDN'T BE WORKING THE OVERTIME!! and now she wants to get a house, well I keep trying to tell her, and she gets mad every time I bring this up, our current money situation cant warrant purchasing a house. As I said with the rent, utilities, car ins. and payments, that alone sucks up 80 to sometimes 90% of what I bring home. I tell her, if we are barely making it now, how the he-- are we going to afford a house? I love my wife very much, her parents question this, I told them if I didn't love her as much as I do, I would have left her the day she got fired. Also, my past keeps coming back to haunt me, what I went thru with my ex-wife (this is my 2nd marraige) I am going thru with my current wife. e.g., in a 3 month period, my ex got fired, married then pregnant. 7 years later my current wife (in the same 3 month time span) she gets pregnant, married and then fired!! How can the same sh-- happen to the same guy TWICE!!!! I am at my wits end here, any help would be greatly appreciated.
PS we are going to go to counseling. but I just had to get this out before I snap. :(
Thank you for your time
AnswerDear Michael,
You are definitely not alone in your sitaution. As a matter of fact finances are the #1 cause of marital arguments. Everyone has their own perspective of how money should be spent and saved. OFTEN couples do not talk about this before they marry and that inevitably causes stress and arguments later in marriage, often when a spouse losses their job.
Counseling is a great start. You may also consider a marriage retreat (see "Revitalize Your Marriage" at equalityinmarriage.org's "During Marriage" section). At retreats you learn new ways to communicate. Tons, and I mean tons, of couples go to these retreats and not only have a great time they learn new ways to express themselves and come up with mutual goals for their marriage.
As you noted 90% of the income that you make goes to joint expenses (family bills) so when you do the math on solely your income...a new house is not possible. However, if you create a budget and savings plan together (using both yoru incomes)- with a mutual goal and understanding then you work as a team, not as adversaries.
Perhaps she entered into the marriage with the assumption that she would get to keep whatever she makes in exchange for taking care of the home and child. Perhaps you were under the assumption that she would always contribute. Assumptions about money can lead to where you are now.
As you noted you love each other. With that being said, you can work this out together. Couples face this issue all the time and as long as they are honest about how they feel about expectations and their goals, they can heal the rift and make a better future- financially and emotionally.
I hope this was helpful.
