QuestionQUESTION: I had five termination, of which the last one was on the 09/07/2010, and i'm now pregnant with a married man.Im thinking of terminating it as it really stresses me,but the father accepted it and said we must keep it. I have one child,9 yrs,and in 37 yrs single. Please advice
ANSWER: Hello, poti,
To begin with, count your blessings. Compared to many of the women who come talk to me here, you have been incredibly blessed. For one thing, you have had five abortions, and you are still relatively healthy. That is a miracle all by itself, because abortion is very dangerous. It can kill you or leave you seriously disabled. For another, the father wants to protect his child. You have no idea how many men will actually pressure a woman to get an abortion in your circumstances. You also have a child. I don't know when you had your abortions, but if you had any before he was born, it is a blessing that he or she is healthy. And you already know you are capable of being a mother.
You haven't said why you are considering abortion this time. Is it because you are single and the father is married? What will happen to you if you have this baby? Is it something that you think you can't handle, or are you just concerned about the social condemnation you might experience?
You are in a cycle of getting pregnant and having abortions. Sooner or later, an abortion is going to cause you serious harm. It could even kill you. Do you have the money to pay for medical care if you develop a serious complication? Who will finish raising your 9 year old if the abortion kills you, or if it causes you to become disabled?
In our experience, a woman won't break out of the cycle of having abortions unless she simply refuses to have one, and carries the baby to term. If you feel that you can't raise this child for whatever reason, you can either let the father have him or her, or you can place him or her for adoption. Abortion isn't your only option. If you think that you couldn't possibly give up this baby if you give birth, what you are really saying is that you know you will love this baby, and your wanting to get rid of him or her is a temporary state of mind. Which, by the way, is fairly common in early pregnancy. It's a hormonal issue.
You have the power to get rid of this baby, and nobody else has the same power you do. However, other people have a right to a relationship with that child. The father does. So does your child. This is his or her sibling, and he or she deserves the opportunity to get to know and love this sibling. I have one sister. She is incredibly precious to me. Before she was born, I was terribly lonely. I wanted a sister so bad. But it took six years before I had one. A child actually grows into a better person if he has at least one sibling. Siblings teach a child to become mellow and considerate of others. You also don't know why you were given one more chance. Is this baby the person who will take care of you in your old age? My youngest ended up being the person who took care of my mother-in-law so she could have her wish to live the rest of her life in her own apartment. We owed her so much. She had helped us many times when we didn't have enough money. She gave us everything she had, and would have given us the shirt off her back if we had needed it. The least we could do is grant her last wish, and our youngest is the only one who was available to live with her. I really didn't want to be pregnant when I conceived him. I felt really strongly, I didn't want to be pregnant, because I knew I was physically weak, and it would be difficult. And it was.
Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby. Please let me know what happens, and please stay safe! Don't risk your life one more time.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thanks very much Pat, the reason why i asked for your advice is because i was not hundred percent sure that i really want to terminate it. The other thing that made me want to do that is: will i get married if ever with two kids from different fathers, when i tell my mother that i'm pregnant she said that person must marry me, that's why i ended up making such decision because her answer really stresses me a lot since she don't even know that the father of child is married, what if the very same father dont help me hundred percent to raise the child, i'm still renting a place and busy with the project of building and alone in that, because i dont want to have this baby still renting of which it will be Oct this year.The other reason why i want to keep it as well is: what if i still dont get married after terminating it, my 9 yr old daugheter is already excited that i'm pregnat and that she's going have a sibling, It's a blessing as you said that after so many abortion i can still conceive
ANSWER: Hello, poti,
It is very good to hear from you. It is a shame you even have to think about it. You should be free to experience the joy of having a baby. As for someone marrying you if you have children by two different fathers, there are good men out there who will, and who will love your children as their own. Just be patient. Maybe it will happen, and maybe not. Regardless, you will have two people who love you: your children. You are old enough now that you should just tell your mother that she isn't going to pressure you into any more abortions. It's your decision. If you tell her you have made up your mind, she will probably accept it.
Don't worry about your place. We had to live in an unfinished house while we were raising our children, because we didn't have the money to finish it. It's still unfinished, and our children are all grown. Maybe we'll get it finished, maybe not. It's comfortable, and it isn't really interfering with our lives, as much as I don't particularly care for the situation.
As for children by different fathers, heck, we have children by three fathers. We have five we grew ourselves, and two adopted children. :) There is no difference between the way my husband feels about any of the children. Our youngest son married a woman who has two children, and he's enjoying being their father. The two daughters are also by different fathers. He also has a son.
Please keep in touch, and send me a picture of the new little one!
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thanks a lot Pat, my mother doesn't even know if i had abortion before otherwise she'll get cross with me, She is a Christian(Pastor).I'm still 5 to 6 weeks pregnant now, but I'll definitely send you a picture
AnswerHello, poti,
You are very, very welcome. You make my heart glad. I am happy that you found my messages helpful. :)
It's interesting. I have a female pastor in my family, too!
I look forward to hearing from you again from time to time. Take good care.
