QuestionThanks again for your advice.
That's a sad story about your Dad.
Reminds me of another real sad story involving
my friend's Dad.
My friend's Dad was an alcoholic.
You won't believe what it took to make him stop drinking.
He was driving his motorcycle drunk one evening, and slammed
into the back of an SUV. He cracked his head open a little,
and was in a coma for a week. The doctors said he was going
to die, but by some miracle, he survived.
You would think that that would have been rock-bottom for him,
and that would have been a wake-up call for him to stop drinking,
but no, after several months of recuperating, he started right up again.
That was when his wife said that's enough, and divorced him.
They had 4 children. This guy also lost his job, and the respect of his
family. He had to move back with his parents before getting his own apartment.
Only then did he finally realize that he needed to quit drinking, after
he lost everything in his life.
So sad.
Now, I leave you with another question:
Do alcoholics have to hit rock-bottom before quitting, or can some
quit way before they get to that point?
Thanks,
~Arthur
Followup To
Question -
Hi again.
I have more questions -sorry!
:-)
Anyway,how can I tell if my wife is an alcoholic,
or has "only" a drinking problem?
For example, she has the ability to stop drinking when absolutely
necessary, like the whole time she was pregnant with our son.
She never drinks before going to work, etc. One time I broke down
and got emotional about her drinking, and she felt bad and didn't
drink anything for 10 days straight, then slowly started-up again.
~Arthur
Followup To
Question -
Hi.
I could use some advice.
I've been married 12 years now,
and am starting to question one wedding vow
"for better or for worse".
Frankly, how much should a spouse put-up with
before calling it quits?
Here's the issue:
my wife has a drinking problem.
She's always had it, but I'd always hoped it
would get better. When she isn't drinking, she is
great to be around. When she is drinking, I'd rather be somewhere else.
She makes empty promises to stop, but never does.
I am starting to think divorce.
To make matters more complicated, we have a 5-year-old son.
Is there any hope in this marriage?
Any advice?
Thanks.
Answer -
Hi Arthur~
She has to first acknowledge that she has a drinking problem before anything else can happen. Secondly, she has to want to change and get help for her addiction. If she refuses to do either, then there's not much hope for her changing. She has to be willing to accept help before you can actually help her to change.
It's not impossible and don't give up hope just yet. Let her know that you are very concerned about her drinking and how it's affecting the marriage and your family (especially your son).
As for the answer to your question, that's a real toughie. A person can only take so much of something before they break. You have to determine what your breaking point is, and how much you are willing to take of this. If you've tried everything within your power, then there's not much else you can do. So the choice of divorce or separation is your only choice, as hard as it may be to talk about or even go through. You have to do what you have to do. You have to think of your happiness and the well being of yourself and your son. Did you know that a child that has 2 parents that drink has a 70% chance of becoming an alcoholic (it's inherited) and a 40% chance if one parent is.
That's pretty high odds. So again you have to evaluate and decide what is in the best interest of your son and your well being. No matter how hard the decision is to consider or actually go through a divorce. It's a tough thing to go through I know. I had a father that was an alcoholic until the very day he died. That's why I never touched the stuff, and it still profoundly affects the way I deal with ppl and alcohol around me. I can't stand the stuff and I get nervous and upset if someone is around me and drinking, especially if they act rambunctious or to loud. It can be a scary thing for a child to witness and experience.
She must know exactly how this is making you feel. She needs to hear it, even if you have to be brutally honest with her. But at the same time, let her know that you are there to support her and you want to help her though this, but you simply can't take it any longer.
If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
Answer -
Hi Arthur~
An alcoholic is one that drinks every day, way beyond social drinking (say like once a week with friends, and only minor consumption) and can't always control their drinking. And it begins to control their life. Alcoholism can range from minor to major cases, depending on the individual. My father for example: He would drink almost every single day while he was alive. It was at least at the very minimum a 6 pack per day! It took quite a bit of alcohol to get him drunk, since some alcoholics can tolerate more than others. It depends on their body chemistry and build. For example a woman's body mass is lighter than men, so they tend to get drunk or can't handle as much alcohol as men. I've seen some women that could drink some big guys under the table though, so again it depends on how well the person can hold their alcohol.
Anyway, I'm getting off the subject here for your question. Some alcoholics can be functioning ppl in corporate America, but the minute they go home they can become raging alcoholics. It does eventually catch up with them though. Some alcoholics can control their liquor for a short time period. My father could not drink close to a month, but then he'd go right back to it. He went to AA meetings even. They didn't help him much. He desperately wanted to quit after being one for his entire life. But he didn't seem to have the will power to quit the booze for long. It started to affect his family, friend, everything. Most of the time though the booze was more important than anything else, including his family. Which he also eventually lost. My mom was married to him for over 12 yrs, but there came a time when she just couldn't take it anymore, and the marriage ultimately ended in divorce. My father was crushed and was never the same since then. Since he loved my mother very much, the only women that he said he ever loved in his entire life. So very sad b/c he just couldn't give up the alcohol addiction for her and us, his family. It's unfortunate when they choose the booze over family.
I hope this answers your question.
AnswerHi Arthur~
I can relate to the accident story. My father was also once involved in an accident (not the first either). One night he was driving drunk and he lost control of his Bronco and drove through someone's house! Right into their livingroom, where they had been only moments before. You'd think that experience would've made him want to quit drinking b/c he could've killed or seriously hurt the ppl that lived in the house. Did he learn his lesson? Nope, he kept right on drinking. The only thing that happened was he went to jail (he was no stranger to jail either) and they took away his license for several years, so he couldn't drink and drive. Eventually the last few years of his life he did get his license back but didn't drive much, instead he had ppl take him places.
Anyway, to answer your question. The person that's an alcoholic has to first acknowledge that they have a drinking problem. Because you can't fix what you don't acknowledge. Once the person does that, then things can be worked on.
Some alcoholics hit rock bottom with a very bad experience in their lives and they can overcome being an alcoholic. But once you become an alcoholic you will always be one, but you can be recovering/recovered alcoholic. Sometimes after years of soberity they can fall off the wagon and start drinking again. That's why it's very important for them to have a good support system in family and friends, even AA buddies.
Other times an alcoholic can hit rock bottom and keep on going, b/c they either can't or don't want to help themselves. These are the unfortunate cases. Every individual is different too.
