Navigating Marital Conflict: Addressing Infidelity, Communication, and Intimacy Issues

Question
Hello, Last night my wife told me that she wanted me to move out for a while.  She needed to get over some very bad verbal abuse that she tolerated over a month ago concerning the fact that I found out that she had been a "closet smoker" and had been lying to me for years to get out of the house and do her thing.  Also, for a period of months my sex drive has been much lower than hers and she feels "unwanted." To make matters worse, I have developed ED as a result of low T levels which she also feels has to do with her instead of something physical as is the case. We have been together for 24 years, I love her, she says that she loves me.  We have 2 great kids at home and we have the world wipped, except for this.  She thinks that the time apart will allow her to sort out her thoughts and begin to heal.  As a typical male, I want to do some immmediate emergency surgery to fix it.  We plan to see a marriage counselor in a few weeks ( earliest appoint. avail.) but in the meantime, should I move out? I think that this is unwise, but you are the expert, can you offer advice?

Answer
Hi Scott~

I don't think you should move out of your home.  If she wants to leave (tell her not to move out), and say go stay with a friend or family member until she's got time "to think."  Then let her.  Something is obviously bothering her and she feels that she needs this break from you and the marriage for a bit.  That's not necessarily a bad thing either.  Perhaps being away from home for a bit will make her realize what she wants and will give him time to think and decide what she does want out of this marriage.  Don't beg her to stay as it probably won't do you any good anyway.  She's going to do what she wants to do at this particular moment.  

I would strongly suggest that you sit down with her and have a serious heart to heart talk with her.  You need to tell her how this is affecting you.  And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage.  At the same time tell her you're willing to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work and to fix the problem at hand.  But at the same time, she needs to support you as much as you're trying to support her.  Also communication is key here.  You need to be able to talk to each other about how you're feeling.  So that you can both decide what is in the best interest of everyone involved here (you, her and the children).  Perhaps you can both come up with a compromise to work this issue out.  Talk to her and see what you can come up with together.  If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.