QuestionMy husband spends too much time on his computer and not enough time helping out around the house, picking up after himself or spending time with our five year old daughter. We both work and I end up doing all the housework, ie cleaning, cooking, dishes, laundry and yard work. I have tried talking to him about it, he'll help out for a week or two and then back to the same old thing. I have become resentful and don't know what to do. Please help!
AnswerDear Laura,
Thank you for contacting allexperts.com. I hope that I can assist you with your question.
Laura, every once in a while I get a question that is very difficult for me to answer. The reason for this is that I know the person that wrote the question isn't going to like what I have to say. This is one of those times.
Traditionally, when the family unit was established the man worked and provided for the family and the wife took care of the home and the children. Because our culture has changed dramatically during the past 50 years or so, the traditional duties of the family have blurred and as a result of this there have been a great deal of problems created.
Most women work outside the home so that they can buy unnecessary things. It is generally accepted that a family cannot have a good standard of living without both people working. This is not true. If a family is willing to sacrifice and live a lower standard of living then the woman can stay home with the children and maintain the traditional role of mother and wife.
Basically, what I am trying to say here is that your husband is fulfilling his obligation by going to work every day. He should not be "required" to help around the house. Cooking, dishes, child rearing and laundry duties are the woman's responsibility. If you find that you cannot do them and maintain an outside job, then you need to seriously consider staying home and being a mother rather than pawning your child off to someone else to raise while you work outside the home at a job.
Please don't tell me that you cannot get by without two incomes. Many, many people live on only one income because they are willing to sacrifice and give up many of the "luxuries" that they have, because their family is more important. If you were willing to put your family first and give up these unnecessary things, I'm sure you could live on one income as well.
You should not feel "resentful" about having to do these things around the house. Your husband does not feel resentful about getting up and going to work each day, which is his responsibility. I'm sure he would rather sit around the house all day drinking beer and playing video games, but he goes out there and works hard and provides for his family. It is his responsibility to do so. Your responsibility to ensure that he has a clean, warm home to come home to and a good dinner on the table. If you perform your duties and he performs his, there will be no conflict or resentment of hard feelings.
I suggest that you look into ways of reducing your financial needs so that you can stay home and care for your home and family.
There, I told you that you wouldn't like my answer.
Thanks
R. M. French
