QuestionI'm 30, my husband's 32, and recently he's been spending all his free time with a close male friend called Jeremy. He barely spends any time with me, and if he does, it's like he's pining for Jeremy, wanting to be with him again. He seems on edge and irritable if not with him.
I've asked him if I can meet him, saying if he's such a close friend why can't we meet, but he evaded the question.
When I checked our email, I was surprised to see pictures of Jeremy in his underwear addressed to my husband. I know what he looks like now, but not the way I expected it to be.
I asked my husband what's going on, but he refused to discuss it any further. I acted calmly, neutrally and non-judgmentally, but he refused to talk any further. Isn't this suspicious behaviour?
However, he insisted he wasn't gay or bisexual, he said the photos were " a bit of fun" and a private in-joke between them.
The next week I spoke to my close friend about it, and she said she suspected Jeremy might be gay due to the underwear photos, but otherwise couldn't explain my husband's behavior.
Now I find out my husband's booked a 2-week holiday to Spain with Jeremy, which has made me furious.
I need help and support on this, the situation is causing me untold stress.
AnswerHi Dawn,
I am sorry for what you are going through. It certainly sounds like your husband is having a gay affair, but apparently he has so much shame about his homosexual side that he will lie, lie, lie about it. You certainly deserve answers. If I were you, I would put my foot down about his friendship. If he can't be open and include you in this friendship, then you should punt kick him through the goal post of life. You don't need this. I would not allow the trip to Spain under any circumstances. At the very least he has no regard for your feelings. You can do better.
I wish you luck,
Doctor Becky
