QuestionAloha! I write to you about a very serious problem in my marriage that my wife has expressed a few times.
Her complaint, and it is not without merit, is that I spend too much time on the computer. It isn't like I am addicted but that there is just so much to do online or otherwise.
I have a blog which I try to update everyday. I have a photography website that I maintain. I enjoy reading fellow blogger's websites. I check my email a few times a day and respond to them. Most of my emails are political in nature and take some research to formulate a good reply. And last but not least is my one video game i enjoy playing.
I am not opposed to getting up and going out to do something and my wife knows that. In fact she gets upset because I do not initiate the outing more often. It is not uncommon for me to spend at least 5-8 hours a day on the computer. When she worked the vening shift I could pull 15-16 hour days playing my game. Sickening, I know. I have to admit that game is more addicting than crack.
My wife made a harsh statement this morning. She told me that I would prefer to be on the computer than with her. She also made an eye-opening statement about my previous marriage and my ex-wife correlating my ex-wifes dependency on anti-depression drugsd and when I purchased my first computer. The time frames were pretty close if I can recall correctly.
I really love my wife and enjoy being with her. This comment she made today really scared me. Until then I viewed my computer time as just something I enjoy doing. I could sit in front of the television just as easily as this monitor but I prefer the latter. I could read a magazine on the couch but I prefer reading an interactive magazine online. I guess my wife's point is that WE could be doing something as a family instead of her watching the back of my head all day.
I guess what I am asking for is some help with time management, for lack of a better request. Like I said, I am not against going out and doing stuff and living here in Hawaii, believe me, we take full advantage of it most of the time. But when I get online it just cannot be a short "let me check something" because it always turns into a longer committment. Any suggestions?
AnswerGreg,
Thank you for contacting allexperts.com. I hope that I can assist you with your question.
Well, Greg, first thing I have to do is confess...I can really understand where you coming from since I spend about 50 hours a week online myself! Believe me when I tell you - I could spend a lot more too! So I completely understand your situation.
The thing that has worked the best for me is to have a conversation with your wife and work out a schedule that is agreeable to both parties. Schedule time AWAY from the computer when you and she can do things together. Don't just leave it to chance because I know how "checking a few things on the computer" at 7 pm can easily lead to go going to bed at 4 am. (Boy, do I know!).
You must have some discipline and really schedule some time spend away from the computer. You know what? I find that when I am not on the computer for a while, the world does NOT come to a screeching halt! Actually, it doesn't really make THAT MUCH DIFFERENCE in the grand scheme of things! I particpate in about 10 different USENET newsgroups, and when I don't post for a couple of days - NOBODY EVEN NOTICES! As for email - if I get three "really important" emails a day that is a record! Most of it is junk! And even with my really important emails, often it doesn't make any difference if I answer that same day or a few days later.
Yes, computers are fun and a constant source of information and enjoyment. But like anything else, life is better when we pursue our interests in MODERATION. And you must have some discipline in order to moderate your computer time.
My suggestion would be to write down a schedule and tape it to your monitor indicating the times that you can be on the computer and the times that you are going to do other things. ONLY USE YOUR COMPUTER DURING THOSE TIMES! and most importantly - TURN IT OFF when the time is over - regardless of what you are doing! (Really! Yes, it's hard!). Nothing is that important that it won't wait until next time. You really have to be faithful to that schedule. But I find that when you do this, you start looking forward to that "next time" when you can get on there and have fun. The anticipation really makes it more special!
Once in a while (every 10 days or so) schedule yourself a MONDO COMPUTER DAY when you just go insane and sit there for 20 hours straight, then starting the next day, go back to your regular schedule.
Your wife sounds like a pretty special lady to me and very patient and understanding of your interests. Be the loving and understanding husband that I think you are and work with her to develop a schedule that makes you both happy. It can be done! I know first hand - because it worked for me. It's definitely the best solution.
Best of luck to you. Feel free to contact me any time.
R. M. French
