Newlywed Conflict: Navigating Relationship Challenges & Boundaries

Question
I recently got married about 2 months AGO. My husband is 20 and I am 22.  I dropped my classes  We have arguments at least 3 times a week. He has two friends that are females. He jokes about having sex with them. At first, I was really hurt but it doesn t bother me that much. Just because he talks about having sex with them in detail. He says I can t believe you actually would think I would cheat on you.  We work different shifts. We stopped having sex for about 2 weeks bc I was afraid I was pregnant. He doesn t want children right now and I don t either.  The other day he took his female friend to the movies. It was my day off and he got out early. I was so happy because that rarely happens.   Well, he went with her to watch a movie and brought her back at our house.   In my mind, I was hurt and angry. I felt that he thought she was more important to him than me. A all I ask is to go out sometimes.    Now, I have to practically beg him to take me to the grocery store. I don t mind if he drops me off. I take consideration that he is tired. I just want us to spend some time together. Just to watch a movie or go out to eat. I m not very materialistic at all.  It really hurts that we can spend time but he chooses to spend it with his female friends. It happened again with his other female friend.   Why does it have to be on my day off. It really hurts. AM I JUST EXAGERATING? THE START OF INFEDELITY?  Then I get so angry I start yelling at him.  He said that it s not true and that he loves me. He says he wants a divorce.  He says if things don t work out I can go back home.  It breaks my heart and I feel like a total idiot. I lost my scholarship to attend college for him.   SHOULD I LEAVE WHILE I STILL CAN?IS THIS NORMAL? JUST T WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 5 YEARS.  WHEN I GET FURIOUS  I CHOSE TO COME WITH HIM. IT JUST HURTS TO KNOW THAT I POSSIBLY MADE A BAD DECISION IF HE DOESN T CARE FOR ME OR TRULY LOVES ME. . I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

Answer
Hi Isabella~

Why would any NORMAL man/husband joke about having sex and cheating with a friend?! Not to mention all the details he goes into. It seems as though he's really telling you the truth and then when he gets a reaction out of you he says "I'm just joking!"  Yeah right!  I'm sure that you weren't just born yesterday to believe his pathetic lies.  Some things just aren't adding up; for this to actually be just strictly platonic relationships with these female friends.  Any self respecting man would never say that to his wife. It's not funny and it's no joking matter.  And on top of that he takes these female "friends" out to dinner, movies, and whatever else instead of you his wife!  That speaks for it's self in my opinion.  Perhaps he really thinks you are that blind and ignorant enough to believe this rubbish he's telling you.  Then he tells you he wants a divorce?  He has no respect for you, b/c if he did he wouldn't tell you this garbage (that he's having sex with these friends, then have the balls to go into great detail) to begin with.  Take him at his word and believe that he really IS telling you the truth.  But then to turn the tables and say it's not true he's just joking.  You don't joke about something like this at all, as it's not funny in the least bit.  

Now, you have to decide what you ultimately want to do with this marriage.  You've already given up so much for him by quiting your schooling. Don't let him use you up and take more away and crush your spirit.  If that means you have to separate from him and you end up divorcing him, well, then so be it.  It might be time to move on with you life w/o him in it.  It's not going to be easy, but you're young and resilient you should chalk it up to learning a valuable lesson and move on with your life.  The decision is now yours to make.

If you have any further questions or comments please feel free to ask.