QuestionPlease help my husband and I have both been diagnosed with pretty sever diseases in the last year (myself- cirrhosis/Nash stage four) (he has ulcerative colitis) we have also endured him losing his job and taking a major paycut with his new one and traveling for work as well....He comes home and will not pick up after himself,he is depressed and says he is not...says mean things and spends money like crazy...He tells me if he wants it he is going to buy it no matter what..I do without necessities(like driving with bald tires) and he just keeps buying...we have so much junk laying around I just cant take it anymore...He blames me for the drama and the fighting and tells me if I do not like the way he is to pack my bags...we have been together for twelve years...The kids and I walk on eggshells when he is home because you never know what might set him off and of course he yells at me all the time...I am a soft spoken person but have started to stick up for myself after years of taking this verbal abuse and have also went back to work and have become stronger and now he says he does not like me anymore but he loves me....I know he has never cheated because he prides himself in the fact that I am the only one he has never cheated on....Please help.......I do not know what to do.
AnswerCheryl,
Your husband is in denial and is experiencing a crisis. You have to get professional help on this one, otherwise one of you will be miserable indeed, if not the both of you. He seems unwilling to face anything unless it is on his terms. That is a complete disconnect.
If he has changed and you believe he cannot understand what he needs to do, you need to move on for a while and see how things develop. Being a victim or allowing him to treat you like this will not do anyone any good.
He needs help and will not allow you to be the one to help him, from what I can see. Find someone who can, because if you cannot sit him down to see what is happening, then things will get even worse.
If he has always been this way then the decision is easy, but if this is a changed behavioral pattern, then you need to find help because he has to see the problem before he is able to fix it.
regards,
Don.
