QuestionI dont know where to begin...my husband and I have been together on and off for 6 years, I say on and off cuz he had a nasty cheating habit. After we split up the last time it was for almost a year, and he decided he wanted to make a family work. I have been in love with him since we first me, and even though he thinks I have, I have NEVER cheated. I was raised better than that, and simply believe if you don't want that person, don't make them think you do. On our wedding night my husband got drunk, and was being a jerk, I said a few things, and he spent the entire night telling me what a horrible piece of crap I am. He did this also on saint patricks day 2010, and on the 22nd when he deployed to Iraq. EVERY SINGLE time he drinks he gets this way with me, and recently its been worse. On father's day, he got waste drunk, and told me the baby I was carrying wasn;t his, and my other son was nothing but a bastard and I probably didn't know who his dad was. Since this night, I get very defensive and I now say hurtful things as well. Because along with this he tells me what a horrible mom I am (when I get nothing but compliments on what a great mom I am.) and a horrible person, and a worthless wife and parent, and Im an evil slut. I miscarried our baby...On fathers day.Theyhad to give me pills to clear me out, and he went to work, and left me wthout a car or phone, to have my miscarriage, yet he can get out of PT or get time off for his brother to visit...but he cant be there for me when it counts most. since this, I have had several problems...leg numbness and pain and swelling that keeps me from getting around easy....but I do...I clean i cook and run around after him and my son, and tonight...I had another vaginal blood spill like a miscarriage, but it wasn't. And it was bad, I filled 6 abdominal pads with blood before I ade it in the ambulance. My husband had left me shortly before this, to go back to the bar, where he drank, after he promised me he wouldnt and turned his phone off. My blood pressue bottomed out, I was losing conciousness and they were talking blood transfusion...i thought I was going to die...alone. despite my attempts to reach him and text him he ignored every call. He finally got there 4 hours later, and started arguing with me. He is ALWAYS right, never in the wrong, and always twists words to fit his agenda and say thats not how he said it. He told me there were no wives at the bar, when there were. and once again....he was NOT there for me OR my son when we needed him most. I left everything behind in another state cuz hes military, and I have nothing, he wont even help me go to school. I tried to tell him to show me he loves me, because deserting me wasnt showing me, and he told me to show him how to love me (it didnt work before...sounds like an excuse to f up) and then said go do his job then because he bets he could be a way better "house bitch" than I could ever be....thus shooting down the last shred of self esteem i had because he has demolished the rest of it. I never get out....ever, and my birthday is in two weeks....he got to go out for my birthday. What should I do? should I try counseling to make it work? Or should I cut my losses and leave, because its hard for me to even attempt to forgive the horrible things hes said, especially about my son. Please help.
AnswerYou are describing a man who has what is called anti-social personality. His abusive language, multiple affairs, and lack of parental responsibility are signs of this. You are doing well to seek help. Standing up for yourself is very important. If you decide to leave him, I would certainly support your decision. You deserve someone who is healthy, caring, and supportive.
To avoid choosing other unhealthy men I strongly recommend this source to understand and heal childhood experiences affecting your adult life and relationships http://www.amazon.com/Effective-Counseling-Skills-therapeutic-statements/dp/1442
