QuestionMy husband and I will be married 12 yrs on 5/25/08. Together dating since 11/92. We are both 40 this year and have a 3yr old son. My husband has been unhappy for a while and talked about divorce before but said we would work on it. I thought we were....Over the past year I have "checked in" and he always says things are fine and has acted happy. He is the main provider for our home and I work part-ime to be with our son. I am very dedicated to my child and realize I have neglected him however he never said so and always said things are fine. We do not fight, he has never yelled at me, He still does nice thoughtful things for me as always. We haven't spent a lot of time together this year because he is taking online courses for a masters degree and has been very stressed with his work. Came from an unhappy childhood with divorced parents. He keeps saying his mind is maae up and he's done trying. I said that's not fair you didn't talk to me so I didn't know I was doing something wrong. He has removed his wedding ring and is sleeping on the couch. Wants to make the transition for me easier. He feel his life is boring, stagnat, in a rut. We still eat dinner together,play with our child, does things around the house. Even said he is not 100% sure if this is the right thins to do or not. He will hug me and kiss me good bye in the mornings on the forehead instead of the lips. Please help can this be saved what do I do????
AnswerAnne - there is one thing that you must do to break the ice in this matter.
You need to sit down with him and in a very calm and loving way tell him that you understand how he feels and that he wants to end the marriage.
However, you should say, that you would ask just one last thing of him. All you want is ONE hour, ONE time with a marriage counselor. That's all. Nothing more.
Have a list of three counselors ready. And ask him if he thinks 12 years of marriage and your beautiful son are worth one hour of his time. It is very hard to say no to that.
Again, all you can do at this stage is hope to break the ice in a very non-threatening way. And asking for one hour of his time is a very effective way to do that. I have seen this work many, many times.
A good counselor will use that one hour to expose the very basic core issues in the marriage. If he or she is good - they will look for and find the soft underbelly of your husbands' issues.
Anne - this really is your only hope at this point. Just get him to give you one hour - one time. If it goes well, I have seen that one session begin to melt the ice and begin the path to reconciliation - as long and difficult as it might be.
Please let me know how it goes - and good luck.
God bless,
David
