Questioni want him to move back in we have been separated for 2 months and he says
he wants to come back home but slowly because of kids and sometimes talks
about our firture and what he wants to do but then he also talks as if just in
case it doesn't work talk. we even have bought a car togehter this week in
both names but then says if it doesn't work u can have it...but a then talks
about being home by at least christmas no later. he says he doesn't want
things to go back to us fussing at each other and is scared i will hurt him.
and i hAVE IN THE PAST BUT I NEVER WANT TO HURT HIM AGAIN! i know what
i did to hurt him in the pass now we have open conmunitcation, we can really
talk now and have. he still acts like we r working on being separated not
getting together , things like i want to have kids over to my house over night
with out u and even though he knows he can be here over night so i see no
reason for him to do so. I think this way if we are going to work on him
moving back then we should spend as much time as we can reparing our
family NOT separate and the kids hate the idea of staying there over night
with out me. also on a different note he wants to drop custody on both ends
but i know i would get custody anyway he left us and i have temp custody
now and have meeting with lawer tues day. Should i go and see what i should
do ?(but i think that we cause anger with him and trust issues that i really
don't want him back) I love him so much but i do see he not sure of me and
thinks i may become the old me (no chance of that i never what to hurt him
again with my words) and lose him. please help i want him home what should
i do to reassure him i that he needs to come home? also we are going to m.c
just started.
AnswerHi Lisa,
I can see from your message that you are somewhat perturbed by this issue. It isn't all that clear to me what the actual problem is, and it would be nice to know what caused the separation in the first place.
Even without this information though, I can discern from your words that you are looking to continue your relationship with your man. This having been said, I think it is a good idea that you are going to start marriage counseling. This will allow you both to open up and see what needs to be done to remain a strong couple that shares a life of happiness.
We all learn from our mistakes and sometimes it takes mistake to realize that what he have is worth fighting for.
At the moment he seems like he is not on the same wavelength as you. I would definitely not push too hard, and take the time to understand each others needs as completely as you can before you make any plans.
If the separation was due to a mistake you made, then I would take as much time as necessary to show him that you are committed to making your relationship work. To gain trust after a difficult issue requires time and patience and complete resolve. One must be able to put one in another's mind frame to be able to understand what pain has been brought to the other. Once you understand the pain, you can work on replacing it with actions that will bring about healing and ultimately trust. This take a bit of time. Patience is required and it is a definite must. Do not crowd him, and do not push him.......for you will push him away instead of bringing him closer to you.
Go through the M.C. process and do it with the end result in mind. Open your heart and mind to him and ask him to do the same. If you both wish to be together, you will find a way to do it. Happiness is a two way street, Lisa.
Remember that we are born alone and will die alone......What happiness we chose in between those two extremities of life that can be shared with another is a blessing.
kindest regards,
Don.
