QuestionI am in desperate need for advice on what to do in my current situation. Its a little unusual but here it goes..... I am engaged and have been with my girlfriend for 2 years. We have a wonderful relationship. Honestly, one of the best ones you could imagine, she is my best friend and I am hers. We've had some problems in the past over ex's getting a hold of us and because she is bipolar. She always recognized when she was wrong. I knew early on what I was getting into. I accepted her for who she was. She has come a long way though compared to how she used to be. About 2 weeks ago, we decided to take our relationship up a notch. We decided we were going to have a 3 way, with one of her friends. She proposed the idea to me. At first, it made me think something was going on with her and her friend because they had went a month without speaking and now all of the sudden, they are talking or texting constantly through out the day. We had a talk and she admitted that her friend likes her. She told me she would never cheat on me but wanted to know what I thought about this. I'm a 25 year old man, what you think I said? But I also said, only if this is what she wants and I would never choose this over being with her. So, last Saturday, the 14th. It was supposed to happen. She said she needed to drink if she was going to do this. I have a past with alcohol. If I drink whiskey, I get crazy. That night, I started drinking whiskey. I don't why I did but I did. It was there and I had to have some. This was just at her house. When we got to the bar (me, my fiance, her friend and several other people) I continued to drink whiskey. My fiance comes to me and says, "I want you to show her your dick". I took the girl outside and showed it to her. After that, I grabbed her hand and said do you want to touch it? She did not pull away but I was so drunk, I think she touched my leg but I am not positive. She told my fiance I forced her to touch my dick. This outraged her and we got into a big argument which resulted in the bouncers getting involved and me being shocked with a stungun. My fiance told me the next day she is never speaking to me again and threatened to file a restraining order if I ever show up at her home. Her family will not answer my calls. My fiance discontinued our bank account and all other accounts we had together. She still will not answer my calls, nearly a week later. I don't know what to do. Is this it? Is she serious? Am I 100% to blame? I tried to tell her this was not me, this was the whiskey. I would never had done something like that. I don't know if my self conscious thought it would be OK since I was having a 3 way with her. Or if my self conscious thought my fiance was hinting to give her a "sneak peek" or what. I really don't know why I did it, all I know is I was not in my right mind. She says its the same as cheating on her and she will never have that. What is the best possible thing I can do? I mean, its a really different situation than anything I can think of. Its like, yeah she did not tell me to do that but at the same time, she asked me to show her and it was in my drunken head she would touch it later. I wasn't having an affair or doing something behind her back. I just don't know what to do or how to handle this situation. I know I was wrong but I also feel like, we are engaged, not just boyfriend and girlfriend and I have never done anything like this. A part of me feels like "if you truly love me, you wouldn't leave me no matter what I do". And I'm so close to her family and I wonder how much she told them. Like did she say I just whipped it out and grabbed to girls hand? I highly doubt she told them she told me to show her and that we were going to have a 3 way. How much love does someone need to have in order to be forgiven for a major mistake. Is it possible?
AnswerJames,
Based on the story to tell, you are too immature to marry, and apparently your fiance knows it. She doesn't sound like a prize, either. I consider the canceled engagement a marital disaster and future divorce avoided. Thank God for that. Someone needs to speak to you honestly, and that is what I am doing here. I urge you to grow up and make wiser decision about your relationships and your life.
Doctor Becky
