QuestionI'm 25 and my husband's 26. I've got a 5-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter. from a previous relationship.
I'm in a job which I enjoy, I've only been doing it for 5 weeks now. My husband's in a well-paid job too (he's in management for a firm supplying new cars to fleets and corporate customers - mainly Ford, Chrysler and Nissan), which pays him a very good wage. He's been doing it for 2 years now.
Last night he came in from work and told me that he wants to quit his current job (which he is well-liked in and gets well-paid) and said he wants to move to Los Angeles and "make it big over there".
He, however, insisted, that it was good for us and said he's got the talent to "make it big" in LA.
I asked him why and he just kept insisting it was good for us. He didn't elaborate on it any further.
I'm horrified by this, our daughter's only just started in primary school, where she's making friends and doing well, and I've only been in my new job for 5 weeks now and I really enjoy it - being a social worker for adults with autism and Asperger's syndrome.
How do I deal with this?? My husband keeps on trying to insist that we move to Los Angeles as soon as we can.
I feel stressed and worried by this suggestion, and have no idea why he is doing this - I asked him, but it just gets me nowhere as he won't say why.
All I could get out of him was that "it would be a life-changing experience for all the family" and one that "we should take the opportunity now".
Joanne
AnswerHi Joanne~
He's living a pipe dream, very, very few people that go out to LA actually make it to show business that way. It takes YEARS to achieve what he thinks he can do overnight in. There are so many actors/actresses out there in the world right now, it takes money to have an agent, etc and even then there's no guarantee you'll be successful in any field in LA. Actors, singers, etc are a dime a dozen in California, the land where everyone wants to be famous. Most people like that come with such big hopes and dreams and end up living a very poor life style in the end and go broke trying to reach their goals, hopes and dreams only to have them dashed b/c the competition is go cut-throat there.
It's good to have a dream in life, but let's face reality here, the chances of him doing what he wants to do in LA are slim to nil. Why put yourself in that type of compromising position to begin with when he's already in a stable/great job, a family, people that love him, etc. At the moment he's not being very rational and that's what's unnerving and scary for you to be put in that type of situation. You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know exactly how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage.
If he still insists that he wants to do this, tell him good luck but he'll have to do this on his own (you can explain to him the reasons I used above if you wish) b/c you're not willing to support him in it b/c it's unreasonable and irrational to just interrupt abruptly your life, move to another country to pursue something that will not pan out for him. Then what?! That you have your children to think about and you're not about to disrupt their lives, and up root them to move and do all this nonsense. He can go and pursue this on his own if he wishes and he'll end up finding out the hard way, just how many people come every year to live their "dreams" in LA and when reality hits they end up with their hopes and dreams crushed and end up back home where they started. Why do that to himself and your family. This isn't about him anymore, it's about you and the children. You have to be honest and frank with him, he'll still probably have his feelings hurt by you, but it's better to tell him now than for him to learn the hard way. He has to know that this is all too much for you to handle and you can't keep living this way wondering if he's going to do this, but that you will not go with him and give up everything you know for the unknown. Sure, it'd be a life changing experience for the worse, not the better or to improve your life. Then what? You have to think about your future and consequences for bad choices and poor decisions that one makes in life. Of course, the choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.
