QuestionMy mother in law has been manipulating my relationship since the beginning. I will give you a background...i have been with her only son for 3 years now and six months after we been together, she and her youngest daughter have brought down an ex of his to seperate us...then she and her duaghter would steal clothes, perfumes, and etc from my house when my parents have open there doors to them. She try to manipulate to get items from my household from my parents and i and een my fiancee. My fiancee father and mother are seperated since he was 6 and they are both promiscouous parents that lived through the moment and never have thought of the future. When i have met my fiancee, he disliked his parents for not being protective and caring of his fututre. I have helped him to get his GED, and to start college ,such as applying and doing fincanial aid for him. he alwyas told me to stay away from his mother, but my parents and i have told him he needs to be closed and open to his parents...which has backfired to me. Now he is n the military aside from going to school, so he has come a long way of changing his style of clothing and how he carries himself. for the past 3 yrs, hs mother has been manpulating my relationship by treating me disrespectfully and telling me things behind hs back. once he is in front of me, she wants to be goody tooshoes...she has lived in 3 hours away for the most three years of our relationship, so my parents were the one taking care of him and treating him part of the family, but once when my parents had to leave the country, she stated to disrespect them and me behind his back, that my parents are crazy, uneducated, and that they have left me behind knowing well that they have left me with income and i am taking care of the house...i have even been buying her food wduring those months....my fiancee respects and care for my parents more than his mother...for the past three years he has done nothing but to let things happen and now after coming out of basic training he wants to " defend me", in my opion its too late, he has let her to walk all over me , knowing all the things she said, not caring
how the things she soes hurt me, and all the time she tells me to not to tell him...she states that she doesnt care about me, if something happens to me then oh well, she doesnt want me to be part of the family,...i have never disrespected her..i have been keeping my mouth shut and waiting for him to defend me...but i think now its too late...at this point i am just fedup and do not know what to do...yesterday, she gave a big front n front of her family and people she just met that i am him mother...she doesnt like to take care of her own kids....she has sent all of her 3 children to be raised in another country to her mother and then here in the USA she found someone else to take care of them...with her yougset daughter she said that she would leave her daughter at 15 if she treats her bad...(and that what she wants)she is a selfish woman...and the only reason why she is proud of my fiancee, which i have helped him to be, is because he has a uniform because she doesnt want him to be in the army she think its a waste of time and believes he sould be making money fast..and her oldest daughter , which is considered to her siblings as the youngest sister becuse her grandmother has raised her..she is a nypd cop and that is the only reason she feels pride her her kids and she has not helped a single time with emotional nor physical support...i really do not know what to do at this poiint for takng all that crap and hypocricy..i do not have the energy no more to argue..i even feel a loss of sense of pride and energy for keeping it in for too long, it bothers me so much that i cant sleep and it affects my relationship because he thought things were going to solve by themselves...throughout the relationship i have lost dignity, confidence, and like i said my pride... really do not know what to do..what to say,...nothhing..oh and his father, i put him in his place a long time ago because i knew him before i even know about my fiancee and he was a family friend, but started to put girls in his path to be a " player"..now my fiancee has never cheated on me throughout the relationship, he ahs told me all the stupidity his parents has told him ...but he has not put his mother in her place...but i just feel its too late...please help with any suggestions...thank you for your time and patience ...
AnswerYour husband needs to mature in order to have a healthy adult relationship with you. He has experience significant loss of parental caring in childhood and will be unable to form a meaningful relationship with professioanl counseling help.
You also need to understand why you became attracted to this unhealthy man.
To understand and heal childhood experiences affecting adult relationships, I strongly encourage you to get http://www.amazon.com/Effective-Counseling-Skills-therapeutic-statements/dp/1442...
