Navigating Relationship Challenges: Infidelity and Rebuilding Trust

Question
I've been with the same woman for 15 years. We have 2 young children together 5 and 7 years old.  We have been married for 7 years. 4 years ago i had an affair. two years later she had an affair. her affair (hopefully) ended in dec 04'.  I dont know what to do now.  She's so distant, i believe she fell in love with this other person. and is having second thoughts about being with me. She ahs already told me she wouldn't be with me if he was still in the picture. also, when we do have sex ( which is every 4 months) she refuses to kiss me.  She says, "its just something we dont do any more. also, without consulting me she had an abortion.  I need to know if these are hints for me to give up on this marrige that i'm just missing.

Answer
C,

Well you both are people that cannot be trusted, so it's hard to know if there is any starting over. From her point of view, I don't think so. People that risk their children's security by indulging in affairs, have no regard for anyone. Kissing is as personal an interaction as two people can have, so her display of distance is an indicator that she is not even willing to fake it. And the abortion is testimony that she is mentally ending things with you. An interesting sidenote might be, was it yours anyway? Perhaps that's why. So where to go next, I don't know. Staying together "for the children", I don't now if that's right or not, financially or otherwise. Life will be miserable for them. Men have afairs for sex. Women have affairs with men that are having them for sex, the only problem is they think there is more to it than that. And after are haunted by "what ifs." You might seek a local marriage councelor and if you both can lay all your cards on the table, you may be able to find a way back. It will be hard work, but you both have yourselves to blame. The hints are there, you both have to agree on what you want for the future of your family.

Bill