Navigating Complex Family Dynamics: When Siblings Marry

Question
Salaamz.. I have been married to my husbands since 6 years mashAllah we have two son's 1-3 n we were happiely married couple, when I got married to my husband my brother saw my sister in law n asked her for marriGe I was little cofused for thiere relation but then was happy after my brother got married there conflics increased alot n they kept fighting all the time they even gave birth 2 kids aswell but my sister in law allways came crying End up leaving home  for mounthes.. I don't take anybodies side but expect her to tolerate him n expect him to give her time, any way now things r being more complexed she wants khulaa from my brother n now my relation with my inlawz is bad n my hubby is also totoly changed with me n atlast asked me me to leave aswell..now iam at my parents house waiting for him to come.. But he's not wat should I do ?!!

Answer
Hi Munawarah~

You're right to not to take anyone's side in their fights, etc.  It sounds like their relationship was drama from the start.  And unfortunately you're stuck in the middle when they fight and they have problems in their marriage.  So much so that it's ended up having a negative affect on your marriage, and you're living separate from your husband.  You're really in a tough spot here and it's very unfair that you're being treated this way during all this drama with your brother and his wife.

You need to try to sit down with your husband and have a serious heart to heart talk with him.  He needs to know how this is affecting you.  And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage.  That all along you've expected and wanted him to come back to your parents house so that you can at least talk and attempt to work this marriage out.  Just b/c you're brother and his wife have problems in their marriage, you both should not let this have such a huge impact on your family and marriage, but that has already happened.  

Your brother and his wife need to learn to handle their own problems and disagreements so that it doesn't affect you and your family (meaning your husband and your children).  If at all possible you need to remain neutral (like you have been) and let them try to work out their own problems on their own.  Talk to your husband and see if you can come together and form an alliance and stick together, so that this doesn't tear your family apart as well.  That would be a terrible thing if that were to happen.  I hope this helps you some.