Navigating Long-Term Relationships & Marriage: When to Walk Away?

Question
QUESTION: i have been with my boyfriend for years and we have a son together a year ago he cheated on me and we broke off our relationship. we are trying to get thing back on track but i keep feeling that we are never going to get married and i if i stay with him i am accepting that fact and saying that it is not important to me to be married when it really is. why is it taking so long to get married and should i be really marrying him?

ANSWER: Hello Latoy:

The healthiest environment for your son will be to have a stable mother and father who love each other.

But that is not the primary reason to salvage this relationship.  There is something in this relationship that caused the two of you to stay together for seven years and to have a child together.  It would a shame for that to collapse and go to waste.

My advice to you would be to sit down with him and see if both of you think there may be a future together.  Without knowing the circumstances of his cheating, it would be hard for me to gauge the odds of repairing the relationship.  Did he stay with the woman he cheated with?

In short, work to save this relationship.  See if he wants it as much as you.  Just reading between the lines here, I get the sense that there is real opportunity here.
Good luck and please keep me posted.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: ARE MEN JUST REALLY AFRAID OF MAKING COMMITMENTS OR IS THAT JUST AN EXCUSE TO BE SINGLE LONGER TO BE ABLE TO DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO?

Answer
Well, that is a loaded question.  Some men are afraid of commitments.  So are some women.  Granted, in our society, men have more tendencies to "play around" than women.  But both do.

Again, go back to what I said before.  Ask him what future he sees for the two of you.  If he talks in finite terms, like "after we're married, we'll do this...." - that is a strong positive signal.

If he is wishy washy, won't think past a few weeks or months, or only talks about marriage in the "someday" abstract - that is a strong negative signal.

Bottom line - ask questions and listen carefully.

Let me know how it goes.

David