QuestionHi, my situation is a bit complex. I'm married with a foreign woman, we have a 16 months baby and she has also a 10 yo, my stepdaughter since the age of 3. My wife has been living here for 7 years but after birth she became gradually more tired and frustrated and this year decided herself to go to her home country for recovery. She has been there since july and is expecting to be there until june next year, her words, as she has put her daughter in school there also. In this year we have visited each other regularly (last time were 2 weeks in september) but I feel sad for not beeing with the baby and I'm not able to handle this situation of close/apart. Also her emotional support for me, in distance is null and sex is null also, even here was. She can't even tell me for sure if she will return for good. In desperation I tried to end our relation during the last time she was here, but she managed to change my mind. I'm also supporting the whole familiy, paying expenses, but emotionally I feel very frustrated because I don't have closure on this situation. In your experience isn't it better that I once for all end this? I'm waiting for her to be ok and return, I guess she is ok now, but for some reason I got to be less important. She doesn't want to end, but she also doesn't give me much, kind of a limbo. The baby worsens everything, I love him dearly and I'm not so often with him. I'm also kind of obsessed with her, dream with her a lot and can't find my peace in all this. Any advice?
AnswerHi Pedro~
I'm sorry that she's putting you in such a predicament. That's a tough situation for you to be in. But you are right, it's much better if you end it and move on with your life instead of living in limbo. No one can live this way and actually be truly happy. I mean you're living long distance and in another country from your wife and baby. And your wife's excuses are she needs to get well?! What kind of an excuse is that? A lame one if I'm being honest. She's got it good, she's there and you're here, you're paying for everything. So why on earth would she want you to leave her and end the relationship. Of course, she's going to want to stay married to you, you've become her supporter, her main source of support and income. Why would anyone in their right mind want to mess that up with a divorce? See where I'm coming from on your wife's way of thinking here? This is a wake up call that you need, in order to see/face reality and what your life has become. She's taking full advantage of you paying for her living and other expenses, while she does who knows what and with whom.
She's become a weakness for you. Hence why she was able to talk you into not leaving her and moving on with your life. She'd actually have to find another way to support herself and her children, or find someone else to do it for her. That's not the way a true, loving, caring wife behaves; meaning not wanting her husband around, and getting out of him whatever she can. She would be right there with you trying to work whatever issues and problems you have out. She'd be looking into getting counseling if she's not well, she'd be doing whatever it took to make her marriage work. But that's clearly not what your wife is doing.
You need to sit down and figure out what you need to do in order to get your life back to somewhat normalcy. If that means you have to tell her your ending the marriage and your moving on from her, then so be it. I know it's easier said than done, and it'll take some time to adjust and get everything settled and back in order. You can do it though. You have to be strong and not let her use and manipulate you as she has been able to do this whole time. You have some tough decisions to make ahead of you. The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.
