QuestionI'm a young married woman who is thinking about the next step of having kids. I've been married for almost 6 years and am very much in love with my husband. However, now that we are talking about having kids I'm very scared. I feel as though once I have kids, my life will be over, no time for anything that I want to do. Right now I really don't want to have kids and I guess my question is how do you know? Does it just one day hit you that you would like children? Seems everyone I know has just always wanted kids and I don't know if I will ever change my mind. I am 27 and getting to that age when people apparently feel the pull to motherhood and I don't. My husband needs to know if I'm ever going to want them as he has said that if I don't he will have a decision to make. How bad is it for me to go ahead with the kids just to keep him happy? I sometimes think that I should just hurry up and have kids right away so that it will be sooner that they grow up and I'll be able to get my life back. Should I be taking this feeling of having kids as being similar to a death sentence as a sign that I never want them?
AnswerHi Jackie~
Some ppl just don't want children, and that's perfectly fine. But for me I just couldn't see my life w/o them. Who's going to take care of me when I'm old and gray and can't do things for myself? I'd like to think that my children would be there for me and take care of me. That's the way they were raised anyway. Having child isn't for everyone. It's a very rewarding things though, but it's also very challenging too. There are lots of things that come with having children. A new responsiblity, b/c now you have someone else to think of beside yourself, little ppl that will depend on you for things for quite a while. But having children doesn't mean your life is over, so to speak. They are very rewarding. You'll never know what it's like to have such a strong bond, unless you are a mother. Something that you and your partner created together, it's special, a piece of you and him. There's honestly nothing like it in the world. You just can't even imagine life before them either or w/o them (whether you choose to have 1 or 10).
I, myself have 4 children. The lights of my life. They are worth everything that I had to go through in life to have them, such a joy and honor to be their mother, truly a blessing. Not that I'm trying to convince you to change your mind either. Rather just letting you know what joy they can really bring. Just b/c you have a child(ren) doesn't mean you have to think only of them and never yourself or your husband. It's a balance really. You have to learn to take time for yourself, to be true to yourself and enjoy just me time in life. I think that sometimes a woman that is also a mother can become too engrossed in being a mother, wife, lover, etc and forget about herself and let herself go. That's not always a good thing, b/c then when the children get out of the house and have lives of their own, families of their own, then what are you left with? If you don't take care of yourself as well as your partners and your romantic relationship. You find yourself with a stranger, b/c you've become distanced from one another and have even grown apart. I'm not saying this will happen to you or your husband. But as parents (if you ultimately choose to have a child(ren), you must think of yourself and your partner too. Such as having a date night once per week, a night to yourself, and of course time with the children, as well as family. If you can do this, then you can have a great family environment and all. It just takes some effort and work, that's all.
I would think long and hard about having a child(ren), if I were you. Don't do it b/c you don't want to lose your husband, do it b/c you want to have a child. You should never do something if it'll truly make you unhappy. As you don't want to have the child(ren) growing up feeling that you resent them for having them, a child doesn't ask to be born.
When a couple has a child, it DOES change the relationship. Whether it's for better or worse, it will change, that's a given. You have to make the effort to stay connected. Marriage as well as relationships are a constant work in progress. There's always room for improvement. My point is you don't want to do something now that you'll regret and wish you hadn't done, if you don't want to do it. Make sense? Having a child(ren) is a serious matter, and some ppl don't always think how life changing it really is.
If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
