QuestionHi,
I am 23 years old and have been married for 2 years. My husband was my first love and we have been together for 5 years in total. My husband is 15 years older than me.
My parents got divorced when I was 7, and I had a great deal of family issues and insecurities growing up.
I moved out with my husband at the age of 18, and I became pregnant a year later (we were trying). Three weeks before I decided I wanted kids, I had just been discharged from the psychiatric ward of our local hospital where I spent 3 weeks with severe depression, suicidal intentions and self mutilation that had gone on for quite some time.
At the time I felt like having kids would some how change my childhood...give back what I lost as a child.
We now have 2 children, 3 years and 10 months, and I love them with all my heart. I don't want to put them through divorce, or struggle with raising them on my own, but I have no feelings for my husband.
I feel as though we are roommates, he's a good friend, but I am no longer physically attracted to him, and find him to be very irritating most of the time. We see things very differently and were raised differently due to the age difference.
We work opposite shifts and therefore see very little of each other, which is preferable to me. I would rather be in a relationship where I can enjoy the sexual aspects of it, and enjoy spending time with someone.
I can't see how counselling could help us, we've talked about my feelings before but every time we do, he acts like I don't really feel that way and brushes it off. He refuses to acknowledge the reality of it, and I don't go in depth enough. I feel unwilling to work at making it better, as there are no feelings left and we're so different. (Due to the age)
I think I rushed into this relationship because I never felt loved growing up and needed someone - regardless of who it was to fulfill that empty space.
I don't know what to do now, I am so much more stable and happy in the rest of my life than I used to be, but I hate going on like this day after day. I have been feeling this way for over a year. I don't want to hurt him or my children, but I also don't want to continue with this life until the children are grown.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Chrissy
AnswerDear Chrissy,
You had mentioned not seeing a counselor with your spouse because you felt it was too late. Perhaps seeing a counselor on your own may be helpful to you.
Divorce can change your life in many ways that one is unable to plan for and speaking with a professional may help you make a decision that you, and your spouse, can feel more comfortable with.
What you are feeling is not uncommon in marriage, as a matter of fact, it is very common. Getting help from a counselor, going on a marriage retreat, speaking with your religious leader, or checking out the marriage improvement book section of your local book store are all ways one can make an educated decision on whether divorce is the way to go.
Visit smartmarriages.com for more information and suggestions.
I hope this helps.
