QuestionMy husband and I have had a rock marriage for almost 19 years. Both of us were trying to stay in the marriage, now mainly for the children (4). There has been verbal abuse from the beginning, and today he struck me. I called the police and he was taken away for a few hours - I waived the restraining order. I want him to go to counseling/ anger management. That is what I want most of all. He wants me to call the station and drop all charges, but I'm affraid that if I do, he will only back out of the counseling. He said that if I don't drop the charges, I'm only sentencing him to jail. I know nothing leagally, and am trying to gather as much information as I can before I make a decision on what I'm going to do.He has never struck any of the children in anger, but he definately has a heck of a temper and tendancy to try to manipulate the opinions of the kids. I really could use some advice. Of course, best case senario is that he gets the help I know he needs. I just want to do it in a non-malicious way...if that's possible. He's refused my suggestions of counseling before this, stating that all the councelors do is recommend divorce......Please help.
Laura
AnswerHi Laura~
It's VERY important that you don't back down and drop the charges. Do NOT do that! If you do then he'll know he can to this again and get away with it. What if he did happen to hit one of the children in a fit of rage? Even though he's never struck you before, he did this time and there's always the first time for everything, right? What's to say he won't try and hit you or even the children again if he were to lose his control over his temper? It could be much worse, if there was a next time. You can't take that chance.
I would recommend to the judge that he orders your husband to some anger management classes. You can request that to the judge. And even counseling too, while your at it. If you don't then your husband isn't going to seek the help that he truly needs at this point. So an outside source must step in and help you make him get this help.
Your husband is just using the excuse that it won't do any good to go to a counselor b/c "all they recommend is divorce." Yeah right! How does he know? Especially when he's never been to one. He's just trying to make up excuses to not go to one. After all you're not going to know until you try first. Sure, some counselors may suggest that (divorce) after everything has been tried to save the marriage. Counseling takes time, it's not to change over night. It's a process. It takes two ppl to work as a team in order for the marriage to work out it's problems. Just one person trying isn't going to cut it.
If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
