QuestionI am 23 and have been married about 8 months, and two months prior to that
we had bought a house together. We had dated for about 3 years before he
asked me to marry him and I almost said no, I had actually been planning on
leaving... but there was so much pressure from my friends and family to say
yes that I went against my gut instincts and went ahead with it any way. Now
I am feeling trapped. I hate the life I lead, I work full time to support us while
he goes to school. And when he gets out of school I know he will be going on
the road full time for his job. I don't want a life where I will be left alone all
the time. I also feel the pressure more of the things that were making me
want to leave before the wedding. The dislike of how he treats me as an
inferior going back and re-doing anything I finish because he can do it
better, how he uses pet names and demeans me despite that I tell him how
much I dislike it. He thinks everything I say is cute and funny. I have asked
him to go to counciling with me so that I at least feel like I am making an
attempt at saving this but he mocks me about it. So how do I tell him I want
to leave? How do I find the support allowing me to be true to myself and
leave?
AnswerHi Elizabeth~
The hardest part is taking the first step and breaking the news to him. Once you do that it gets a little easier to go through with the separation and divorce process. He's made this marriage all about him, and he's not being sensitive to your thoughts and personal needs.
You've already known for quite some time that you want out of this marriage. His actions are centered around himself, his wants, his needs, his rude and demeaning comments to you, trying to put you in your "place" (which only shows that he's a male-chauvinist, and sees you as beneath him). Marriage is about a partnership, a life partner, someone you share your life with. Not someone that you tear down and put down to build yourself up. He has some real self-esteem issues.
You need to sit down with him and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. He needs to know exactly how this is affecting you. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. He's already proven to you time after time he's not going to change his way for you, even when you've practically begged him to do so. He's either unwilling or unable to be a good husband to you. You don't deserve all that he's giving you. So while you can't control the way he acts, you do control the way you react to him (as well as others). And he can't make you feel inferior w/o your permission. See, a person can only take so much of something before they break. The question here to ask yourself is when is your breaking point?! How much more of this are you willing to put up with before you finally say, NO MORE?! When is enough finally enough. The important thing here is to go with your heart and do what's right for you and what makes you happy. Always, always listen to your gut instincts. After all that's why they are there to tell you when something's not quite right. Trust it, it won't steer you wrong. Whatever decision you make isn't going to be an easy one.
As for the support allowing you to be true to yourself. If you can get the love and support of family and friends, then I encourage you to do so. If they balk at you and discourage you from divorcing him. Well, then they truly do not know you nor your situation with your husband b/c they don't live it every single day like you do. And you'll have to do it w/o their support. It's your life and you have to ultimately live it.
