QuestionI've been married for two years now. I have no kids and, unfortunately, no job since i got laid off two weeks ago. Everything was fine with our marriage until about five or six months ago. Lately he has had a very short temper and has become a very straightforward mental abuser. Everyone i know keeps telling me to leave him. My dad even thinks he might try to hit me. His dad was the same way though so i don't know if i can blame him. I am always nervous about going home or him coming home because i never know what kind of mood he'll be in. I just feel i got married too early. I mean, I got married two weeks after i turned eighteen!!! I used to think of us as one but now, when i look at my future, i don't see him in it, anywhere. I have come close to leaving several times but he always begs me to stay. But when he get upset,he's out the door and gone. We fight and he leaves almost every weekend now. I have had so many chances to walk out the door but no matter how many people tell me too and no matter how much i want to, i can't get myself to move. I don't know if i'm doing the right thing. What will it do to him if i leave? My heart wants to but my mind is always thinking of him. I don't know what to do...
AnswerHi Ashley~
Sometimes a person marries for the wrong reasons and it can end up coming back to haunt them. Me, for example, I dated my now-ex-husband when we were 19 (I knew him since grade school), got married when we were 20 and had our first child (planned) at age 21 (I turned 21 the month before I had her). We had a very volatile marriage, violent, mean to each other, it was mentally, verbally, emotionally and even physically abusive at times. We were horrible for each other, and frankly we probably should never have gotten married and had children together, but we did and that can't be changed now. I've always regretted getting involved with him, dating him and especially marrying him, and having children together knowing how he was. I feel responsible for all that my children have now had to endure over the years b/c of my poor choices and bad decisions, at the same time I try not to dwell on my past. It has made me who I am, and I certainly do not regret having my children rather I regret/resent putting them through all that I and they had to endure while I was married/with their father all those years. Anyway, back to my point here. So you made some mistakes, you got married young, etc. The good thing is that you recognize that he's not good for you and you don't have a very healthy relationship with him. Don't have children with him b/c they'll end up being put right in the middle (trust me, I've been there and done that) and you'll also have someone else to worry about other than just yourself. Besides children are a very huge responsibility for life to take on, having children changes your life forever that's a promise. It's also a challenge too.
You know how he is and you don't like what you see/put up with. There is a good saying that I heard not long ago and it's "don't complain about something you permit." It's a very true and matter of fact statement if you stop and think about it. If you don't like what's going on in your life, then change it, do not feel that you have to settle for his abusive ways and treatment of you b/c you don't. You have nothing tying you down to him that makes you obligated to stay with him, so get out now while you can. Sure, it's hard to do it, but you can do anything you put your mind to. Sometimes the hardest part is taking the first step and then actually going through it. I know that feeling all too well. It took me 5.5 yrs go kick my ex to the curb and I decided that I refused to put up with his abuse and nonsense any longer. I had to do it for myself and especially my girls. It was one of the hardest yet best decisions of my life to this day, and I do not regret divorcing him at all, ever. In fact, I'm much happier today than I'd ever been and I have myself to thank for realizing it and finally getting out of an unhappy, unhealthy and unfulfilling marriage. Abusive is inexcusable in any form. The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.
