QuestionSo. I've been married almost two years, with my husband for a a total of three. I love him, but I feel as though we are on different paths in life. I am depressed and feel like there is something missing. My husband is not a social person and doesn't really enjoy going out and doing things, let alone try new things. I am a butterfly, charismatic, outgoing... this marriage and our life together feel as though I am being stifled. We do have communication problems, mainly because I have been afraid of telling him that I want a separation, like I feel as though I need some time to reasses me, and where I want to go with my life. I'm not even positive that I want to be there with him, but I do know that I love him, and that for some reason our paths crossed. I guess my question is... would a separation be the next healthy step. I've been in therapy for eight months, and we were in counseling together for five months. I feel as though it's a waste of time and money, because this sense of saddness and unhappiness is not going away. Can a separation save a marriage, and if so, how can I share this with my husband without breaking him...
AnswerHi Jennifer~
No, a separation doesn't always have to be a bad thing for a couple. It does one of two things though. It can bring you closer together as a couple, when you're not together all the time and you'll miss and appreciate each other more, etc. Or it'll make you realize that you can't be with each other, even no matter how much you may love each other.
At this point it certainly seems like your best option at the moment. This way you can take some time apart and evaluate the situation and explore your options, and really if you really want or should remain together. Either way a separation can be a tough thing to experience, for both parties involved.
Just b/c you separate though, don't stop the therapy and counseling. Even though it may not seem like it's working, I encourage you to remain in counseling. You should start noticing a difference once you separate and you don't have each other to influence your thoughts, feelings and actions about one another. Taking a step back away from each other can be a good or a bad thing, only time will tell what those results will ultimately be. Just b/c you love someone doesn't mean you should be with them.
You have to take time to yourself and figure out what you want with this marriage and/or if you should remain in it. The important thing here is to go with your heart and do what's right for you and what makes you happy. There's no easy way to break this to him gently. He's going to be hurt if not crushed that it has to come to this. Sometimes separation and a divorce are a necessary evil. Just b/c you separate from him doesn't mean you can't remain in contact with him or that you have to stop being friends.
