QuestionI am 32 years old this year and I want to have kids soon. Is it too late for me? My bf for a year and 5 months has student loan. He said that he is not ready for marriage, mortgage and family. Me too, but I am willing to take that risk. I am starting to wonder why wouldn't he want to take a chance with me? Is he being selfish for making me wait with no due date? How do I know if he is just making excuses and just want me for the time being? Should I call it quits and move on? I cant talk to him because he feels pressured about these questions...who wouldn't...but these are important questions...am I the only one who think so?
AnswerHi Nina~
Getting married, buying a house and having children are huge and life changing decisions for anyone to make. However, he's been with you for a year and a half. It's not like he just met you and you've only been dating a couple of months and you've yet to get to know each other.
You know what you want out of life and out of a partner. He's either unwilling or unable to do these things that you so desperately long for. And it's not fair to you that he won't even discuss this with you. It's important that you be able to talk to and have good communication with your partner. Otherwise, you're not going to know how each other is feeling and be able to work out your problems and issues in life together.
And if he acts this way now w/o being married or having children together, but you're just dating, then how will he really act when/if you do marry him and start a family with him?! That's a major issue for you right now. As painful as it may be, you might have to cut your losses and move on w/o him in your life. After all you don't want to end up resenting him b/c he didn't want to marry you, have children with you, etc. Maybe he's just not marriage material, some ppl just aren't. And there's nothing necessarily wrong with feeling that way, only if you have the opposite interests and intentions in life could/would that present a huge problem.
He is being a bit selfish by not even discussing these things with you. He could feel pressured and even too scared to talk about these things with you. And if he is, then he's not the guy for you, which is unfortunate and a shame when it's someone you love and want to spend your life with. You should always be true to yourself and don't feel you should just have to settle for something in life (like not getting married or having children with someone).
So I guess my point here is go with your heart and do what's right for you and what makes you happy. Also always, always trust your gut instincts, after all they are there for a reason. Which is to tell you when something's not quite right. By him refusing to even discuss this with you is a huge issue. You have every right to feel this way too.
