QuestionI AM 23 YEARS OLD AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO MY HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART FOR 5 YEARS WE HAVE TWO SMALL CHILDREN TOGETHER AND WE DO NOT GET ALONG AT ALL. MY HUSBAND LIES ALL THE TIME ABOUT SMALL STUFF FOR EXAMPLE HE BOUGHT A CHRISTMAS TURKY AND LIED ABOUT THE PRICE, JUST SMALL LIES LIKE THAT BUT TO ME THAT IS SO ANOYING. WHEN WE HAVE SEX IT ONLY LASTS FIVE MINUTS OR LONG ENOUGH SO THAT HE CAN GET PLEASURE FROM IT. HE HAS NEVER LET ME EXPERIANSE AN ORGAZIME. I AM HARDLEY EVER IN THE MOOD TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM BUT WHEN I DO GET IN THE MOOD I WANT TO BE PLEASED, I HAVE EVEN CRIED A FEW TIMES BECAUSE I WANTED TO FINISH SO BAD. MY HUSBAND CALLES HIS MOM AT LEAST THREE TIMES A DAY AND IF HE ISNT CALLING HER SHE IS CALLING HIM. I UNDERSTAND THAT HE LOVES HIS MOM AND EVERYTHING BUT IT HAS GOT TO THE POINT THAT SHE GETS TO KNOW ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON IN HIS LIFE BEFORE I DO. SHE KNOWS ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY HE BRINGS HOME EACH WEEK, HOW MUCH MONEY I BRING HOME FROM WORK, HOW MUCH ARE BILLS ARE EACH MONTH, WHEN HE HAD A BAD DAY AT WORK SHE KNOWS BEFORE I DO THAT DRIVES ME SO CRAZY. WHEN HE TOUCHES ME OR LEANS IN TO GIVE ME A KISS I FEEL SO DISCUSSTED. I GUESS MY QUESTION IS DO YOU THINK THAT THERE IS ANY HOPE IN MAKING THIS MARRIAGE WORK OR HOW COULD WE MAKE IT BETTER? CANDICE
AnswerDear Candice,
Thank you for contacting allexperts.com. I hope that I can assist you with your question.
I see many, many issues that need to be addressed in your message to me. First of all is the matter of your husband not telling you the truth. It is well established that the reason that people lie is that they are afraid to tell the truth. We must take a look at why you husband is afraid to tell you the truth.
Are you critical of him? Usually, even in a case where a man is very close to his parents (in this case, his mother), a man will not maintain this close a relationship with them unless they are giving him something that his wife is not. Usually this takes the form of encouragement, and positive reinforcement. Yes, some men are "mommas boys", but having known him for many, many years, you should have known this before you married him. Perhaps you did and simply thought that once he got married he would change.
More likely, I think, your husband is needing some loving encouragement. I think you are not giving him the sort of reinforcement that he needs and he is seeking it out from a source that he knows he can count on.
YOu mention that you have two small children. More than likely you are spending all your time dealing with the children in some way and not spending the time being a wife. Do you take time to care for your husband as much as you do for your children? Why do you think that he does not deserve this kind of love, affection and treatment? Most wives tend to completely ignore their husbands after they have children, except to complain about something. Are you guilty of this? If so, why are you suprised that he turns to his mother for love and caring affection?
Please get a copy of the book "The care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. If you cannot buy it online or at a book store, please check it out at the library. Read it and I think you will find the answers to the problems that you are having with your husband.
Best of luck.
R.M. French
