QuestionI am a w/f 32yoa, never been married, attractive and in decent shape. I have a college degree from a very good University, hold a good job,and have been in love (I think) twice. I have never married, but I do have a son from one of the two past loves. He passed away 3 years ago. I am a little skeptical about men, and my trust level in them and myself is not the greatest. My question is will I ever really find that one person that I can love (will let myself love) and that will love me, and how long is this going to take? I have no problem meeting men, and I date quite often, however they never seem to have that one "thing" that makes me last more than a month or so with them. What is the problem?
AnswerLisa,
Well I guess the lucky ones are those that get married in their teens and early twenties, where the expectations aren't very educated. If she had big boobs and she let him feel them, that was nearly enough of a criteria to walk down the aisle. But later on, we know more, need more, expect more, trust less, and the game of love gets a lot more complicated. Being 32, you've developed an independence and really your needs have shifted really to just a desire for companionship. For some men your independence shows and is an attraction, for others it is a turnoff and something that might be a challenge to break down. Also the thirties is prime turf for sex wars, where both sexes are in their prime, sex is #1 on the list, clocks are ticking, and good judgement gets skewed. My advice for you is to appreciate and enjoy where you are, and what you have accomplished. This confidence and happiness can be an attractive aphrodisiac to the right person and sooner or later bring in the right stuff. You are dating and creating "turnover" so you are working towards your goal. Be sure each "dumped" fellow walks away saying "it didn't work out, but she was a really nice girl." In looking for a man, find a friend first, a confidant second, a companion third, a lover fourth, and then after a couple years, perhaps a husband. Building any relationship based on interests in common, will at least net a friend, and at best a husband that enjoys the same things as you. Whether or not you have to lower any standards to get to this, will be up to you. Now adays with online dating, you really have a chance to look through and say to yourself, "gee this guy sounds like me." This also might remind you of dormant interests you may have and forgot about. "Gee he likes the ocean, eating seafood, and walking on the beach, I haven't even seen the ocean in months." Try to remember that with a 50% success rate, marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. You just might be better off, skimming the cream of the crop by dating. Relax and enjoy your search, and make it fun.
Let me know how you do,
Bill
