QuestionWell hopefully you can help me with some advice.
Me and my husband got married in October, 2003. He wanted to help me with my Immigration status, so we got married. Now the problem is that we got married so young, he just turned 21 and I just turned 18 at that time. I'm not sure if we loved each other or not because we were so young, but it felt right at that time. When we got married he moved into my house with me and my parents, I didnt go to school nor work, because I still didn't have my work authorization, anyways he worked and went to school and never payed any attention to me, he barely ever spent a dime on me, my parents supported us, he never wanted to take me out or introduce me to his friends, we didn't have a wedding or a honeymoon, on my cousins wedding day she left her dress at my house and i tried it on, he was laying down watching tv, and I said, "baby how do I look" with tears of joy and jelousy in my eyes, since I've never got to wear one, he looked at me and said "thats your cousins dress it doesnt fit you, dont you see Im watching tv and relaxing." i cried for a month after that because i felt like he never got to see his wife in a wedding dress, shouldn't he tell me how beautiful I look? On top of that his friends didnt even know he was married, nobody knew, he never called me his wife, nor did he include me in any of his financial stuff. never helped me with the immigration stuff, cheated on me so many times with women saying, he felt pressured being married, and he loves me to death he's just not ready, i gave him the chance to leave so many times but he never left he kept coming back wanting to be with me, but he never changed either, he never baught me a christmas present or birthday present without me crying/asking for it, he would get mad at me for asking him for $5 when i didnt work, he was sooo selfish and only cared about himself, he got himself a cell phone and i couldnt afford it, regardless if i left work at 11 pm and plus having to take the bus and train, he never cared about getting me one so i can be safe. he met girls after girls after girls and stayed on the phone with them 24/7 like a crazy man and than locked his phone around me, would never let me even touch his wallet or anything. HE NEVER CONSIDERED ME HIS WIFE!! for the past two years all i did was be faithful to him and treat him like a king and cry to him and beg him to change, all he would do is tell me its me, but I dont understand i gave him my life, my heart, my everything, I did SOOO many romantic things for him, when i started working i spent money on him to show him i appreciate the fact that he helped me, but in reality he never helped, on top of that now THERE IS THIS GIRL HE TALKED TO WHILE WE WERE SEPERATED FOR 2 MONTHS that calls my phone 24/7 a day crying about how much she loves and shes not going to let me have him, she stalks him and follows us everywhere. threatens me and puts stuff in my head. he tells me that their over but she leaves messages saying she doesnt care that he's married and she still wants to be with him.I'm so tired of this stuff, he barely shows any concern for my feelings he doesnt try to change, everytime i bring up the fact that he doesnt show love, he says i smoke ciggerates and he hates that and that i do this and that when i feel like i give my all, I MEANT EVERY WORD WHEN I SAID THOSE VOWS and he didnt even wear his wedding ring more than a day, he says he meant them too, but i see no proof. he left me crying and hit me and DID SOO MANY THINGS TO PROVE TO ME HE DOESNT LOVE ME but still says he does. im so depressed and this immigration thing is making me even more depressed because i am so scared to leave him and get deported even though im soo americanized because i've been here more than half my life. what can i do, why cant i stop crying and beggin for his love, why did i take this marriage so serriously when it was for immigration, and why at only 20 i want a family with kids and good husband and nice home already i want it sooooo bad now. i cry every time i see a man holding his wife/girlfriend in public, he never touches me in public. he doesnt show me any love or any effort, he can never be with me and make me feel like he wants to be with me, he tells me appreciate the fact that hes here as if regardless of what he does i should just be happy he came to spend time with me like hes god. please please please help me get over him!
AnswerDear Jasmine,
Thank you for your patience. I have had difficulty using the allexperts system. It sounds like you have had done what you can to make the marriage work. It may be time for you to consider getting help from a counselor. IF you feel that this will not help then you may want to start educating yourself on divorce. There are several sites that can help you learn more about about divorce in your state- divorcesource.com and your state bar assoication website. You may want to contact your local immigration office about divorce and under what circumstances you can remain in the country - is there a certain number of years you must be married?
You should never have to beg for the love of your spouse, either he shows it in ways that you do not connect to, or his expectations of a wife and marriage differ from yours. Working on educating yourself and building your self-esteem should be your top priorities.
You are not alone in situation,many other women find themselves in empty marriages and it is in your right to change that situation to be healthier and more rewarding.
I hope this was helpful.
