QuestionHi,
My wife refuses to iron my clothes. She washes them and piles them up on top of the dryer for months. I don't have clothes to go to work. I also work, and on top of that I do all the maintainance/repair work or our house, inside and outside, and keep the maintainance and repair of three vehicles, plus taking care of all the unplanned/casualties that happen now and then.
Sometimes I ask her to do something and she tells me flat out to do it myself! And believe me, I prefer to do something myself than any of the following:
-have someone do something they don't want to
-have something done poorly
-have something done and mess up something else
So most times I ask my older daughter--previous marriage--or even my 70 year old mother to help me out!
She astonishes me, it gives me the impression that simple things seem impossible/undoable to her. Stuff that I've been doing when I was single... she tells me in a challenging way "why don't you do it yourself?" like it's a big challenge. I just tell her "honey, I've done that every day when I was single. It's no big deal"
For example, she finishes washing the dishes and there are always several places where water runs down the doors of the kitchen ounters under the sink, all the way down. It damages the counters in the long run. Well, she doesn't dry them. If I point it to her, she challenges me to do it myself. And every time I wash the dishes there's no water anywhere after I'm done, and if there was some I dry it asap. It's no science, it's not heroic, it's not forced labor... it's simply part of what you're doing, the part called cleanup.
I don't care about that or her not helping me when I need, but do I have to iron my own clothes too? Nowadays people think that b/c they work out/have a career they don't have to do anything else? What the heck? I also have a career!
Righ now my jeans have been piled up waiting to be ironed for 6 months? I have 2 left... please help me here or I'll have to go to work in boxers (c8
Thanks in advance,
John
AnswerHi John~
That might make it a little chilly or awkward going to work in your boxer shorts. If you don't like that she does that then why don't you iron them yourself? It's not rocket science here. She's doing this in rebellion and to get back at you for being on her about it. I mean how would you react if the situation were reversed and she was the one nagging you to iron her clothes, and you didn't want to do it for whatever personal reason. Would you do the same as her, or would you graciously say "No, problem honey, I'll get right on that." Or is it just easier to complain about and wish that she'd do it? Listen I'm not here to judge you or your wife, but you have to learn to pick your battles in life. And if her not ironing your clothes like you'd like her to, or having water run down the cabinet's, etc when she does the dishes, if that's the least of your problems and worries, then you have it made in life. I'm not saying that to be a smart-alec but complaining about that would be the least of my worries. And, yes, as big of a pain in the ass as it may be I'd do it all myself or pay my mom or daughter to do it for me or to help me. Take a towel and dry up where the water has ran down. Or ask her not to do the dishes. That's her classic response to you to get back at you, most likely b/c she's tried of being nagged and told she's not doing it right or whatever.
As I said before I'm not trying to come down on you or your wife at all. Rather I'm trying to you get you to see the bigger picture here. There are certainly worse things in life that she could be doing. I know it's annoying, frustrating and even frustrating when you're in a busy household and you have your own job and other things to worry about in life. It all adds up and sometimes we can't help but to take things out on ppl that we love, no matter how big of an issue something like this may seem at the time. God knows I'm one to talk, I nag and complain about things too. Like most anyone would, but sometimes (and as you said earlier) it's just easier to do it yourself or have someone else do it for you that will do it right, and to avoid the fight altogether. Hence why I said you have to learn to pick your battles.
But since this obviously is really a huge issue for you, why don't you try to sit down with your wife and have a serious heart to heart talk with her. Explain to her how this is affecting you and how this makes you feel. And what you're willing and unwilling to put up with in this marriage. When you do talk to her though, do it in a calm, cool and concerned manner, b/c if you come at her nagging and on the attack she's going to calm up, become defensive and refuse to talk about it. Just like the regular response you get from her on these two topics. Barter with her, say you'd be willing to do X for her in return for Y. If that doesn't work, then it's back to the drawing board. Set some time for you to do it even five minutes per day. Or as I mentioned before, give your daughter some money or something else in return for her ironing them. The constant bickering back and forth with your wife over this is only adding fuel to the fire and stressing you out more than necessary.
