QuestionOK, here is the situation. My wife and I have been married for 14 years. We married very young (20) and we have two children 10 & 3. A 16 year old daughter from her first marriage (lasted 1 year) also lives with us. Essentially, we have simply grown apart. As painful as it is to admit for both of us. As of right now we are "unofficially" separated. Meaning we live more as housemates than anything else. We are at the point where we are getting ready to start filing paper word for the separation. My state has a 1 year waiting period for divorce. She has been a stay at home mom most of our marriage and has had a diagnosed problem with depression as long as I have known her. Since we live in a high cost-of-living area, having separate homes is not very practical for us. I would like to let her stay in the house with the kids and get an apartment nearby, but I am barely able to make ends meet as it is. Also, I'm concerned about how she would handle being around the kids with out me to help out. Neither of us "hates" the other, but we just can't live together anymore. To make it worse she has told me that she could not handle the day-to-day activities of life without my assistance, because she has never had to in the past. I took care of it all (i.e. Bill, banking, taxes, car maintenance, retirement accounts, house maintenance, etc)
So, after all of that, here is my question. Do I separate from a person who has become so dependent on me financially, mentally and emotionally, and domestically knowing that if I don't we will both be miserable and will most likely make our kids miserable, if we haven't already? Or should we just stay married and live separate lives?
AnswerBrian,
I have a third option which you may have thought of but, it seemed too hard to actually do.
Why don't you start being the loving caring husband that you hopefully once were. Don't worry about your feelings. Start with actions that show you care about your wife. Women want security. Your wife is telling you that it is important. This is not about you and your wife anymore it is about the 3 young lives that it will affect. I would encourage you to start making live easier for your life. I believe that if you do this for the next 3-6 months you will see a change in how you not only feel, but how your wife relates to you. I would encourage you to do this hard work for your children.
David
www.help4life.net
