QuestionI sent you a question for your advice once but I couldn't find the response. So, I decided to send it one more time. I know everything will not be changed from the current status but I only want to help myself to move on.
My husband filed the divorce paper without talking to me and moved out without telling me a few days after that. We have been married only 5 years and knew each other before than year and a half. He left me to be a volunteer for 1 year with reason that I couldn't make love with him. It was about 18 months that I worked for living by myself because he had nothing left for me as a wife.
After six months in another country, he thought to propose other women to marry him twice. We had never talked about the divorce before. We only talked to each other that whatever we would decide to our marriage, we would sit down and take. The reality is we have never done that. The day I knew about the divorce papers because he called and told me that he couldn't touch me any more. He was so unhappy every time he thought that he had to touch me. The last day we hugged and kissed each other as a couple was the day he left to overseas. He sent me that he would file the paper without my signature. Then he sent again telling that the paper wasn't filed any where. He wanted to talk to me before doing it.
I don't mean to want him back because I feel hurt so badly for what he had done and said to me about not being able to touch me. I decided that I would not hold him with me because I don't want to force someone to love me when he didn't love me anymore. He told me that his love to me still grow but as only a friend. I know that he only wanted to make me calm down and finish the paper for him.
I don't know how to move on my life without guilty myself. I feel that I failed my marriage because I am not good for being his wife. I read many articles, try to tell myself that divorce has happened to every where, to many people, and will continue as long as there is love and marriage. But I am still very depressed and so much confused and don't know how to move on my life.
Please advise me how I should think and keep my mind and thinking stronger.
Best regards,
Olean
AnswerOlean - Not sure what happened to my previous answer - sorry about that.
First, it takes a lot of strength to write me as to what is going on in your life so thank you for that.
Typically what is going on when someone is experiencing the emotions you are is that people focus on their history, not their future. What you must do is start thinking about where you are going to be and what you are going to be doing a month from now, a year from now - five years from now. Focus on that, wade into that. Keep looking forward.
Here is what will begin to happen - whereas now you may have seven bad days in a week, you will start to have only six bad days and one good day. Then five bad and two good. Then four bad and three good - and so on.
In time, life will be restored and you will be looking forward and not back. This is a classic issue of needing time to heal - and it does.
Keep your chin up and keep looking to the future - nature will do the rest.
Good luck and Peace!
David
