QuestionQUESTION: Hi. I unfortunately and much to my own shame,regret, and dismay am pregnant again. This is my third pregnancy by the same guy in less than one year. I know, I know. I have already had 2 abortions because both of us are not financially stable, nor do we believe we would be able to raise a child. As a matter of fact I was almost completely convinced that I had to break things off with this guy for various reasons. Although I love him dearly I don't think we are right for each other (clearly).
With this recent pregnancy I'm terrified. My life situation has not changed very much in the span of a few months that would make having the child more feasible and neither has his. If I get the abortion than this would be my third in the span of less than a year. I'm incredibly embarrassed and ashamed and it is taking alot for me to even say any of this. I don't know what to do. How will this effect my body from a health stand point whether I decided to keep it or not?
ANSWER: Hello, Renee,
I'm not into playing the blame game, so I will not scold you. Also, it seems evident that you have some emotional issues to work through. I am here for you, and I will help you through them.
Abortion is dangerous and always causes harm. The more abortions you have, the more harm is done. Sometimes there may not seem to be a lot of harm. However, in the long run, it can cause serious problems. You really deserve better.
I agree that anybody who would keep putting you at medical risk like that isn't right for you. It doesn't matter to me if people use "protection" or not, because it doesn't work. The other problem is that once a woman gets started in the business of repeat abortions, there are only three ways to put a stop to it. 1. stop having sex 2. become incapable of conceiving, and 3. carry the baby to term. You will be much better off medically if you carry your baby. If you are unable to raise your baby, adoption is a possibility. However, there are organizations in most countries that will help women who are in the kind of position you are in. Quite often, when a woman is able to get this kind of help, she can be a successful mother.
You haven't told me what country you are in. For me to be able to tell you how to find an organization that will help you, I will need that information.
As far as loving him is concerned, there are really two reasons why this is most likely so. One is that we women tend to make commitments, where in a similar situation, the man doesn't. He may say he loves you, but if he would subject you to what you have been through, obviously, your understanding of what he might mean and what he actually means are probably two entirely different things. The other reason is that when a woman has sex, it releases hormones that cause bonding. It will be painful, but from what you are telling me, breaking up with him would be your wisest move.
Please let me know what country you are in. Please don't get another abortion. Take care, and I'll write more when I hear back.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Well to answer your question I live in the US in New York City as a matter of fact. I also would like to know if you have an email address in which I can email you directly.
AnswerHello, Renee,
We're not allowed to give out our email addresses, at least we're not supposed to. But there are organizations in New York City that help pregnant women. You can find one near you by going to this web site:
http://www.pregnancycenters.org/
These organizations offer counseling, help with medical and financial issues, clothing, supplies, and furniture for a baby, and help with adoption. They can also help you with the emotional and spiritual issues you are facing.
We can continue to talk here. I will be here for you, and I will help you work things through.
Please stay safe, and let me know how you are doing.
