QuestionI have been in an unhealthy relationship for years now. To the outside world, it looks like a normal relationship, but on the inside, it's so dysfunctional! I moved out in 1998 and we divorced that same year. Only somehow, we got back together and have lived together ever since. During this time, we had a 2nd child and now it seems to have trapped us. He's verbally abusive and extremely cold. I haven't been hugged in years!! I can't understand why I'm so afraid to leave this relationship. I have a good job and I can support myself, yet I'm so afraid to take the step.
AnswerHi Angel~
You divorced him for good reason the first time. And you've done it once and you're strong enough to do it again. You are the only thing that's holding yourself back. You don't have any commitment to him any longer you're not married to him. Kick him out and move on with your life w/o him in it. It's all in the way we view ourselves. If you feel you're not worthy of a good, happy, loving, caring and respectful person, then that's what you'll always attract. If you love yourself, have high/good standards and expect to be treated with dignity, love and most of all respect, then that's what you'll get in return. We teach a person how to treat us. Did you know that? If you stop and think about it, it's a very true phrase/statement. As long as you feel sorry for yourself and don't have enough respect for yourself, then you'll keep doing this and attracting these type of men. You have to learn to love yourself before you can be truly loved. You need to work on your self-esteem, your self-worth and most importantly your spirit. He's taken that from you and robbed you of it for all these years. It's now time to take control back from him and take care of yourself and your children, b/c that's what matters the most in life and it's not being selfish at all to take care and love yourself.
It's totally normal to feel scared, hesitant, confused and not really know what the future holds. That comes with a divorce and separations. It's part of life. You have to cope and deal with it the best way you can and move forward with your life. Focus on things that you love and that have meaning to you, like yourself, your job, your friends, family, the children, etc. You got through this once and you can get through it again. Sometimes that hardest part is taking the first step and then actually going through with it. I know been there and done that. It can and will get better though. You have to want it bad enough for it to happen. The choice is yours and it's one that only you can make.
