Relationship Advice: Dealing with Infidelity and Unrequited Love

Question
Hi Don,

I would like to seek your advice over something that is haunting me for months. I am from India. the question is that I've been into a relationship for almost 2.5 years now. we had a breakup before a year and he tried very hard to maintain the relationship..
Recently he told me that he has been in love with a girl for almost 4 years, and he was only flirting with me when he was with her. A year ago, she left him after coming to know about our relationship.. He also said he loved me, when he was with her. They broke up at the same time i broke my relationship with him.. he couldn't patch up with the other girl and he is with me..

He says he has no room for that girl now and he loves only me, and he cannot leave me for anyone.. He also said he felt guilty for cheating me and didn't want to keep me away from this truth. But I am not able to accept the fact that i was only being used to satify his desires. I also happened to speak with that girl, she blamed for her relationship ending so soon..

Now, My boyfriend holds my hand and asks me not to leave him, he cannot live without me.. what should i do?

I tried forgetting the past, but the thoughts keep haunting me.. I've been living with this for almost 2 months.. i love him a lot and i cannot live without him.. I know that he also loves me the same way i love him, but still when i get reminded about his past, i lose my senses and i end up in a fight..

To add, he also says he cannot forget her, he still likes her for a few reasons and he cannot forget it as of now, he still has her name as his password, though i know it.. he wants me to understand that he cannot forget her in a year, but what should i do as a woman.. accept all this? is it fair on my part? for someone who has been true to him, throughout the relationship.. If I am still with him, am i not doing injustice to the girl who was with him for 4 years.. am i not the reason for their breakup?

Please suggest!!

Answer
Hi Amrin,


Any relationship based on a lie is not worth the time that you will spend on it. He is not worth your worry and believe me, you CAN live without him, because you should have someone who is able to be honest and forthright about his affairs and someone who acts with a much higher degree of integrity.

Anyone who says he loves you while with he is with another woman simply should not be rewarded. Move on, because what he did once to her, he can do to you as well.


Sorry I can't be more positive. In a man, there are a several  traits you should be looking for and some of those are honesty, integrity and the inherent ability to place oneself in another person's shoes to understand how we are able to hurt them by our actions.  If this man had all of those traits, then you wouldn't be writing to me.


Don't you think you deserve better?



regards,


Don.