QuestionOkay... I'm beginning to fill like I'm just in denial. My husband is affectionate, makes time for me, I've never found numbers on him, or condoms, anything like that, so on one hand, I feel like I am blowing it out of proportion. However, what if things have been going on prior to this and have actually amounted to something? How do you know when you are being lied to? Can a man seem so believable when it comes to expressing his love to you (crying at the thought of leaving one another,etc.) and in the same instant, know in his mind, that it is a complete lie. How do you separate and know? I know that if I ask him about it, one, he is going to be upset because I have been in his e-mails before, two, he is going to say that there is nothing there. Then what do I do?
-------------------------------------------
The text above is a follow-up to ...
-----Question-----
I'm confused,worried, and insecure. What a combination. I need someone to talk to and I need advice. I don't know if I am blowing my situation out of control, if I am on the right path, or what. My husband has always had female friends and I have always felt insecure about it. I just know that something is going to happen and that he is going to get "attached" to someone and it is going to get out of hand. My husband is a musician and is in the beginning stages of getting his music heard. He has started a Myspace page and I've kind of snooped around a little. I know his passwords to everything but he doesn't know that I know. I have been checking his comments and messages from other women just to see what they are talking about. I found two e-mails to 2 different women that I did not find appropriate or I was reading to much into it. One was a request from a singer for studio time. She made the comment that "there are other ways to get paid in this business" and put a smiley face behind it. What should I think about that? Next, I was in this other one and it seems that they are trying to catch up with each other to set a date to hang out. Well...then I happen to catch a comment on his page (that was visible to everyone) that said "I got your message that you were out of town. Call me when you get back". Now the problem is...we didn't go out of town, he didn't go out of town, ....??????!!!!!!! I waited a couple of days to ask him about it. When I finally did, he made several comments: I haven't seen that comment yet, that isn't the girls name (She has a screen name; I didn't ask what her name was), she must have been talking to another member in the group (he reminds me that this myspace page is for the group but he is the only one who can check the comments, make changes, etc. He never mentions that he doesn't know the girl but tries to make it seem like the comment is on the wrong page or for another member in the group. Now remember that I said that I have his passcodes. Well I checked the e-mail referencing the comment before I confronted him about it. He e-mailed her back and said that he had returned and that the could get together later. Now lately, everysince the myspace page has been up, I have been a little suspicous and more questionative. So I don't know if she is setting dates with him and he is trying to get out of them by not seeming mean (he has told me that he has a problem telling people no when they ask him to do something). Or I don't know if he is lying to her to spend more time with me so that I will calm down and let the "feeling" go. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to let it go if it is something but then again I don't want to make it into a big deal and cause problems in our marriage but this is killing me. I just wander why he acted as if he didn't know what I was talking about when I confronted him about the comment. He even told me that if looking at the page made me feel bad to not look at it and that I shouldn't be on his site anyway. What do I think about all of this? Should I be suspicious?
-----Answer-----
Hi Kisha~
I think that you have every right to be worried and suspicous of his behavior. If he had nothing to hide in the first place, why is he getting all bent out of shape b/c you check his myspace page?! Seems to me that if he had nothing to be suspicious about, then he'd be more than willing to let you view the page (with or w/o him present).
To be honest, I'm not sure what you should do (besides maybe bring up that last point, I mentioned, with him). You have a right to know what he's up to. And why he's making dates to meet this woman (professional reasons or otherwise). You're his wife, you have that right.
I do know that he shouldn't be blowing you off and not beign sensitive to your feelings. How would he feel if you were doing this to him. He needs to make the effort to sit down and answer any questions you have.
AnswerHi Kisha~
Anyone can be a very good liar, if they've done it long enough. He/She can even sound very convincing too. So it's no impossible for him to be lying to you and putting on a show. When he denies this stuff, and then turns it around to make you feel guilty for snooping through his stuff on on his web site.
The point I'm trying to make is, if he has nothing to hide and nothing to feel guilty about. Then why does he have a problem with you visiting his web site to look around?! You can't always tell when a person is lying, but there are hints to look for. Such as; being evasive, not looking you directly in the eye, changing the subject when you want to talk about something he find uncomfortable, not being forthcoming with you about things, looking away when you talk to him, fidgeting (squirming about, making him uncomfortable), saying "um and ah" a lot, hesitating with his answers, nervousness, being preoccupied with something, etc. Watching his body language can tell you a lot.
It's up to you at that point what you want to do about this. Go with your gut instincts and believe what it's trying to tell you. It's there for a reason, to warn you when something isn't right.
