QuestionHello,
My husband and I have been married about a year and half. I wouldn't say that our marriage has been difficult, but it hasn't been all that easy either. We are what most people say a opposites attract couple, however it seems like our opposites are really beginning to clash now. I know he's going through a stressful time at work, but he seems to take it out on me. I realize that as his wife and the woman he comes home to every night, I should be there to listen and consoles his worries and fears, however its becoming too difficult.
He sees himself as the "nice guy" and feels he has no wrong part in any of our arguments. If ever we have a disagreement, he starts blaming me, not for the disagreement, but for being the wrong type of woman. If i ever get upset about something he has said or done, he gets angry at me, for getting upset at him.
It used to only be slightly larger things that brought us to this argument point, but now its everything, from doing the laundry to dinner. Most of the time I try to stay quite and let his temper die down. However I'm at a point where i feel i can't keep quite any longer. I have to defend myself with some sort of reply. This only elevates things. I'm starting to think that perhaps our marriage might have been a mistake...
I'll take any advice.
Thanks!
AnswerWell I have a motto, "silence is the best weapon." It's good for a lot of reasons, you don't say things you regret, you show you're not going to participate, and most importantly you show you're not out to win. In the early going all couple posture to gain deciding control over every little encounter. When you are older (and not much older) you discover that most arguments were over stuff that wasn't worth the fight. But the fights will go on forever if you continue to try to win them, and at a price, because each fight changes you into a different person than you were when you married, and bit by bit the love can trickle out of a marriage. So I guess my advice is to let him rant to deaf ears, and he will eventually crawl back, most of the time probably in bed. This doesn't mean you give up your identity, it just means you pick the bigger battles, that are worth winning, to fight and let him have his way with the stuff that's really not worth your time. A smart woman can manipulate this silence and win all the battles one way or the other. Then one day he will wake up to find the only one he is upsetting is himself. It's a process that takes practice but you can do it.
Bill
