QuestionHiya,
I'm 19years old and have got into a really good relationship. i fell pregnant and had an abortion on 17th July 2008 via the tablets. since we have been very careful, but there was one occasion where we acted very irresponsible and i fear i may be pregnant again. i cannot go through with the pregnancy if that is the case, as i am going to University in September. Is it possible to have an abortion so soon after having the first one?
AnswerHi, Sarah,
My first question would be why, if this is a really good relationship, you keep taking all these chances with your body! You have had one abortion already.
But let's look at what may be some misconceptions on your part. Being "really careful" may mean all kinds of things, but as long as you continue to have sex, you're not REALLY being careful. Maybe people have told you that there are things you can do. Perhaps they told you condoms work. They don't. Withdrawal doesn't work, either. Not only that, but you put yourself at risk for disease.
Also, abortion is dangerous. You may be "lucky", or it may simply mean that the consequences have been delayed. Some consequences don't show up for years. And abortion can permanently damage your reproductive system, so that you will be unable to have a normal child in the future, or even have a child at all.
I recommend first that you learn how to recognize your fertile periods. You can get information about that here:
http://fertilityuk.org/
You must chart faithfully. When you are fertile, you don't have sex. The safest solution is abstinence. Nothing else works like that, because even if you chart faithfully, you could still slip. And it's easy to do when you are in love.
Now, to address your question, since abortion is dangerous, there isn't a safe time to have an abortion. Having one so soon after another obviously isn't safe, either. The pills you took were heavy doses of hormones. Your hormonal system is delicately balanced, and this is like using an atom bomb to kill an ant. There can be repercussions for decades, or later in life. I know, because I'm living it.
Now about not being able to have the baby. I am assuming from the way you spoke of this that you live in Britain someplace. Would that be correct? Chances are, your university doesn't make the kind of provisions it ought to make for pregnant students. If that is the case, there may be a remedy. But it will require that you talk to the university and get them to provide for you. Will this be a possibility? Or will they simply not let you attend? Here in the States, we have a program called the College Outreach Program. It hasn't been implemented everywhere, but quite a few universities have done it. It provides services and housing for mothers. As for whether you feel you can do your studies and take care of a child, no it's not easy, but it CAN be done. How do I know? Because I did it. I had four children by the time I got my degree, and three of them were preschoolers. I had one of my children in the middle of the semester. I stayed out a week (my choice) and aced my courses.
Your boyfriend should be willing to help, by providing care for your child while you are in class. If not, you can possibly find a woman in a similar position whom you could live with, so that you can help each other with child care. When I went, I had a babysitter on campus, who took care of my daughter just while I was in class, so it wasn't expensive. There are all kinds of workarounds you can do.
Please give this some careful thought. I'll tell you that a woman has an unconscious instinct to replace the baby, so it is entirely possible you could have abortion after abortion. The only way to stop this is to carry one to term, UNLESS you abstain. Please look at the future. You may want to have a family someday. Don't take these kinds of chances with your body. No matter how sure you are that you want an abortion, consequences can happen to anybody.
I know people in Britain who may be able to help you if that is where you are. If not, I can help you find someone where you are. There are all kinds of programs that provide help.
Please think about this, and get back to me, and let me know how things go. Please stop taking chances. A good relationship can be destroyed, and you don't want that.
Take care, and stay safe!
