QuestionMy husband and I were separated for 4 mos. We had paid for a divorce but just had not agreed on things or signed the papers. During this time I was seeing and sleeping with another man. I really liked this guy but he was kind of a jerk. I still cared deeply for my husband too, but I just didnt' think we could work it out. I was struggling big time with finances, our son, and being on my own. I missed my husband and the companionship, but I still wanted this other man. I finally realized this other guy was a jerk and we were not on the same page on many things. My husband really changed a lot, and our communication improved significantly (we have been married 9 years). Long story short, the guy I was seeing was very inconsiderate, did not remember my birthday, only saw me at his convenience, while my husband still called me often even though we were separated and even did something nice for my birthday. I decided that he is the manI should be with. The thing is...while I love him and I'm happy to be with him again, I am mourning for the other guy. Is this normal? I see him and I want him. Why am I feelign this way? I know he's not the right guy for me but I still carry a torch. How can I get past this?
AnswerHi Christina~
It's going to take some time for you to get over this other man. You just have to make yourself realize that what you did by becoming involved with this other man was a mistake. And even though it's something you can't change, it's time that you begin to move on. You're feeling guilty for becoming involved with the other man. The reason you became involved with him to begin with was you were looking for something (in this man) that you obviously were missing in the marriage.
So to answer your question, yes, I do think this is somewhat normal to do. It's a process that anyone in this situation goes through. For the brief time you were involved with him, he was giving you something you wanted and needed--attention. And you miss that to a certain extent. Eventually over time you should be able to put this behind you and move on with your life (and get over this other man). It's just part of going through this whole process, I think.
If this begins to progress and it becomes problematic, such as it's consuming you and you just can't get him out of your head. Then perhaps you should seriously consider going to some form of individual counseling to help you get over him. If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
